No Alibi
by BettyHT
Summary: Adam makes a very bad decision but doesn't know how bad it is until too late. It affects his whole family but especially Joe, and both struggle with what to do. A man bent on revenge for a perceived wrong hurts the family as well. Hoss is hurt, and Ben has to try to find a way to help all three sons.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Twenty years of hard labor. Well at least that gives my family a chance to prove I didn't do it. I know it would be so much easier to tell the truth, but I can't. How can I give my alibi and ruin a marriage, a family, and my reputation. Isn't that strange? I would rather have my reputation than my life."

Adam Cartwright sat in his jail cell with lots of time to think and held lots of conversations with himself. He was still so worried about Hoss and couldn't see him. He hadn't seen Hoss since he was shot lying in his bed in a coma. He remembered his brother laying face down on the bed with dried blood sticking to the hair on his back and an ugly purple and black wound in his upper back. Doctor Paul Martin had dug out the bullet but blood loss left Hoss in a coma for days. By the time he woke up, Adam had already been arrested. Hoss was still confined to the house and hadn't been off the Ponderosa since he was shot. Adam thought it likely that the prison wagon would arrive much sooner than his brother would be able to make the trip to town. He had a lot of regrets, but that one was uppermost in his mind at that point. He could only trust that others were giving him the correct information on his brother's condition. Each time his father or younger brother visited him, he watched them closely for signs that they were being less than truthful, but he knew too that if they intended to deceive him, they would have rehearsed what they planned to tell him long before they arrived in town, turned over their pistols to Roy, and trudged back to the cell that was his home for now. He remembered very clearly how this mess that had entangled him so thoroughly had started.

Arriving in San Francisco late one evening, Adam was heading home after being gone for years. He had made a fortune in Australia, but he had missed his family terribly. When one more love affair had soured, he had decided to go home. It was very close by that time, but it was too late to travel so he had taken a room at the hotel where his family usually stayed in the past when they had been in the city. After being gone so long and sporting a mustache, no one recognized him. He rather liked the anonymity and the lack of questions that brought. He had dinner in the hotel dining room, and then he headed to the lobby to get a newspaper to read. It was there that things had started to go so horribly wrong.

"Adam Cartwright, it is you! I saw you in the dining room, and I knew it had to be you. The graceful moves, the lean, and the brooding look: no one ever did those things as well as you."

Setting the newspaper aside, Adam stood and took the lady's gloved hand, held it gently, and kissed the back of it. "Sheena, it's been a very long time." Sheena sat on the settee there, and Adam sat beside her.

"Yes, it has. I've missed you, Adam. You were the best. I was very sad when you left."

"Sheena, we did have some good times together, but there was no future for us. You knew that. We were good in bed, but everywhere else, all we did was argue about almost everything."

"Well, I could argue that point, but it seems it would simply prove you're right, and you know how much I hated it when you were right."

Chuckling and smiling, Adam relaxed with her. She had been the last woman he had been seeing before he left. She was the last one in the list of failed relationships he had in Nevada. He had lists from Boston, London, and Sydney too. Adam knew he was very good at romancing women, but somehow he always picked the wrong woman for his attentions. "Would you like to sit and talk or do you have an engagement somewhere?"

"Oh the family is out for the evening. I'm free to do as I please at least for the next few hours, but wouldn't it be more comfortable and relaxing to sit in your room. I could get these uncomfortable shoes off, and we could see what developed."

"Sheena, we broke off our relationship like that years ago."

"Adam, you broke it off. I had no choice in the matter. Now, all I'm asking is that we relax in your room, and you tell me all about the wondrous things you've done since you've been gone."

Unable to resist her charms even years after he had last seen her, Adam stood and offered his arm to her. They walked to his room chatting about the changes he had already seen in San Francisco even in the darkness. In his room, Sheena did as she had said she would. She took off her shoes, slipped off her gloves and the ring on her finger, and set it all with her purse on a chair. Then she sat on the settee with her feet tucked up under her. Adam thought she looked gorgeous yet. She had a confidence he had not seen in her before. He began telling her about the things he had done, and she patted the seat next to her.

"Sit here unless you're that afraid of me. I don't bite, or not usually unless that's what a man wants. You have a very nice room. You must have a lot of money to afford this when you're all alone. You are alone, aren't you?"

Shaking his head at her impertinence, Adam sat beside her. They began telling stories until she insisted he keep talking because his stories were so much more interesting than hers. Without him being entirely aware of it, Sheena edged a little closer to him with each story until when she leaned forward, he could see the tops of her breasts in the slightly gaping bodice of the dress she was wearing. She saw him looking and smiled. She took his hand and lifted it placing it over her dress where it still barely covered her chest.

"Just once, for old time's sake?" She leaned forward pressing against his body. "I can tell you want me. I want you. No one needs to know, and you must be needing it after being at sea all the way from Australia." Sheena moved up and kissed him, and Adam lost all sense that something was wrong in this situation. He undressed her and himself holding her close to him all that time kissing and touching her. An hour later, Sheena stirred in his arms.

"I can't go to sleep here. I need to get back to my room."

"Sheena, it was nice. Thank you. You are a wonderful lover."

"Adam, you are still such a man of passion. Oh how I wish you had not spurned me all those years ago. We could have been very good together."

"Sheena, you know that never would have worked."

"You could have tried or taken me with you. I didn't want to be stuck in Virginia City the rest of my life working in my parents' store."

"You seem to be doing well. Where are you living now?"

"Oh, I live with my husband." Adam's shocked expression was all that she could have hoped to see. "Yes, you see this ring." She had taken it from where she had hidden it in a glove. "He gave it to me nearly three years ago. We have a child already. This trip was to get away except some of his family came along having business to do."

Almost unable to get over the shock of what he had heard, Adam had to ask. "You're married and yet you wanted to be in my bed. Why?"

"You were always a good lay. Perhaps even the best of the men I've been with. But you walked away from me and nobody walks away from me like that. You shamed me. You humiliated me by rejecting me like that. You had to know what people would say. I hate you."

"If you hate me so much, why would you want to spend time in bed with me? What's going on here?"

Pulling on her clothing, Sheena sneered at Adam. "Are you starting to guess? I know those standards you have. I know how you brood and torment yourself over every little thing that you do that isn't perfect. I wanted you to live with this. You slept with a married woman. My husband has been good to me too. He loves me and would do anything for me. It almost makes me want to love him, but he is a cowboy, and I wanted more. Later if you hear some noise, that will be us. We have the room right above yours. That I had no way of knowing until you walked me up here. You see, I married your brother, Joe, three years ago, and we live on the Ponderosa. You should have written sooner so we could have sent you a letter, but then I couldn't have gotten my revenge on you so easily, now could I. Live with that, you bastard."

After spewing her awful words, Sheena exited the room leaving Adam in turmoil. His family must be in the city, and he had just made love with his brother's wife. He would see her when he saw his family again, and he wondered how he could possibly live with himself after what he had done. He wanted a bath and a whiskey in that order because her smell was still on him, but he didn't dare leave his room until he thought through what he had to do. He found sleep eluded him until it was nearly dawn, and even then, he only slept for a couple of hours. He shaved, dressed, and headed downstairs. If he had calculated correctly, his brother Hoss and probably his father would be in the dining room already. He wanted to see them before Sheena was there for he had no idea what she was going to do with the information she had.

Walking into the dining room, Adam saw his brother Hoss and his father almost immediately. There were few men as big as Hoss and he seemed to have gotten bigger while Adam was gone. He walked up to their table where they were engrossed in eating and in conversation.

"I know this is a big shock, Pa, but I had to come home." Hoss and Ben turned in shock at the sound of that baritone voice they had wondered if they would ever hear again. "I would have written but I've been moving around so much." Hoss recovered first and stood grabbing Adam in a bear hug. Ben took a moment longer to get over the surprise but then his grin could not have been bigger as he too hugged Adam. Both knew that Adam shied away from such displays of affection, but after nearly seven years, they had an awful lot of emotion stored up inside.

"How did you know we were here?"

"I didn't know until I saw you. I got into town last night. It was too late to travel, and this is where I always stayed when I was in the city. Well of course you always stay here too."

"Older brother, you're looking a might thin on top there."

"Hoss, I could say the same. Thinner on top and a bit thicker in the middle."

"Your eyes might be going bad then too. I think you done missed shaving right under your nose there for a while." Adam could only grin with the teasing from Hoss that he had missed for so long.

"Adam, is this a visit, or are you home?"

"Pa, I don't know. I've traveled all over, and made a lot of money. I've taught, designed buildings, started up businesses, and met a lot of people. I've got a long list of businesses I own that will require some travel. But there's no one special in my life, and I still have no good idea of where I want to live and work."

"You have time now to think that through." Ben was actually relieved by Adam's statement. He had worried that Adam would decide to live on one of those far off properties he owned. Instead he was home and there was at least a chance he would stay. "Adam, there is one thing we have to tell you. Every time we got a letter from you, it said that you were moving on. We couldn't write to you so we couldn't tell you any news. Joe got married."

"Joe?"

"Yeah, Adam, ain't it a hoot. Joe's the first one of us to get married, and he's got a little girl too, Eleanor. Cute as a button. She's home with Hop Sing and with one of his cousins who cares for her whenever Sheena and the family are gone for any reason. She's going to be happy to meet the uncle she has only seen in a picture."

"Well I'm looking forward to meeting her."

"Yeah, older brother, I'm waiting to hear what she does with your name. She's started talking quite a bit for a youngun but she has a bit of trouble with saying our names."

Looking from one to the other, Adam could see that they were worried about something despite their apparent good humor and talking about Eleanor. "Now that is good news, but from the looks of the two of you, I'm expecting some bad news to go along with that."

"Adam, son, the woman he married is someone you know. You were very involved with her before you left. Adam, Joe married Sheena."

"Sheena?" Asking questions like that was the only way that Adam could think to avoid letting them know he already knew. "When?"

"Almost three years ago. We had business in the city, and we decided that Joe ought to bring Sheena along. She gets bored on the ranch with Joe working almost every day. She deserved a vacation too. The trip might have been a bit much for her though. We went to a play last night, but she was too tired and stayed in. They should be down here within the hour though. They were both awake when we left."

Adam ordered breakfast then, and talked with his father and his brother catching up on much of what had happened while he was gone especially the last three and a half years when he had become a businessman with mining and railroad investments on four continents with the most valuable of those in Australia. "I'm thinking of selling all of my businesses."

"Why would you do that?"

"Hoss, it's just money. It's not fulfilling. I need something that makes me feel like I've done something by the end of the day. I felt more fulfilled when I was teaching those classes on mining engineering and when I got to design some buildings. I want to find something like that."

"Son, you have lots of time to think those things over. You can always talk to us about it too. Now, I see Joe and Sheena." Ben waved to bring them to the table.

Watching her almost glide to the table with a grinning Joe behind her, Adam thought she was as beautiful, graceful, and dangerous as the Australian tiger snake. How he had ever thought he might love her, and how he had so easily succumbed to her charms again the previous night made him doubt his judgment and intelligence. Joe nearly jumped into Adam's arms.

"Sheena said she thought she saw someone who looked like you in the dining room last night. She said you were different though, and I guess those years really did change you some. Did Pa tell you that Sheena and I got married? I hope it doesn't bother you at all. We didn't even get to seeing each other until you were gone over three years. Gosh, Adam, it is so good to see you. I was wondering if you were ever coming back. You're staying, right?"

"I don't know, Joe. There are a lot of things to consider." And not the least of those was Sheena who was eyeing Adam as if he was prey. He had no idea what else she had in store for him, but he knew she was very intelligent, and now he knew too that she hated him and wanted to wreak vengeance on him. He couldn't help it though: he still found her to be beautiful and desirable. He guessed it was that part of him that always was attracted to the wrong woman. Now he had an additional worry though. Based on what she had done with him and a few things she had said, he had to believe that she was not being faithful to Joe. Joe had always chased after girls, and Adam was sure he was fairly experienced, but when they had talked, he had seemed most interested in fairly traditional sexual experiences. Sheena had shown herself to be sophisticated in such behavior, and that likely wasn't from being with his brother.

Adam discovered then that his family was spending one more day in the city before traveling home. At least for one day, he could find things to do to be well out of range of Sheena's claws. He wished he could confide in Hoss or his father, but he knew he couldn't. It wasn't only his pride that held him back. He knew that if he told them, they would be hurt, and they would worry too about Joe and his marriage. There was a child too. He was an uncle, but it brought little joy knowing who the mother was. No, Sheena had been correct. He would suffer and torment himself about what he had done. He could only hope that would be enough to satisfy her desire for revenge, but he doubted it would. He remembered her as a woman of lusty appetites, and he had no delusions that her desire for revenge was as strong and encompassing as any of her other desires.

For the morning at least, he was free of her. Adam and Ben spent the morning together as Adam had some banking business to do as did his father. Adam was transferring a large amount of his wealth to some banks in California that had branches in Nevada. For the immediate future, he planned to run his businesses from afar getting reports from his managers and sending off instructions when requested or when he saw a need. Improvements in transportation and communication had made his life less complicated in a business sense, but Sheena had added a complication that had him torn inside. His father interpreted the seriousness at uncertainty of being home and not knowing how to fit in. Adam let him continue to think that way for he definitely wasn't going to divulge to his father what he had done and why he was feeling so gloomy. His father already had some ideas as to what he could do for the Ponderosa, but Adam had other goals in mind. He wasn't ready to share those either for he wasn't certain that living in Virginia City or on the Ponderosa was possible any longer. One terrible error in judgment may have cost him his chance at happiness. He had a humorless smile when he thought of what she had so craftily done and in so short a time period for planning and execution. She had proven herself to be far more clever than he was.

"You seem to be a thousand miles away, but the thoughts must have been pleasant because you're smiling. It wouldn't be a lady you're thinking of now, would it?"

Inside, Adam's heart froze for a moment, but with the smile his father had, he had simply asked an innocent and perhaps hopeful question. Maintaining the facade, Adam kept the small smile. "Perhaps. You never have given up on the idea of all three of your sons being married and giving you grandchildren, have you?"

"Now why would I ever give up the idea of all three of my sons being married and giving me grandchildren? It is the dream that keeps me going some days. It is kind of funny that my youngest and wildest son was the first to settle down and start a family. Hoss is ready too, I think, but he has to get up the courage to ask her."

"Who?"

"Bessie Sue?" At Adam's incredulous look, Ben smiled and continued. "Barbara Scott has taken her under her wing. Barbara is a natural teacher now that she's loosened up a bit and gotten over that fear she had. She's been teaching Bess a lot about how to dress and act like a lady. Now I know that you're thinking that the old Bessie Sue is under the veneer of ladylike behavior, but Hoss would probably like that. He could have a woman who liked to do the things he favors like fishing and being in the outdoors, but then he can have a woman who acts like a woman when he has those needs. She is a marvelous cook. Apparently we never had the opportunity to know that. Hoss has been eating dinner over there on occasion and always has wonderful things to say about the meals."

"It looks like he's been eating two dinners every day so maybe that explains it."

"He's been eating a lot which has let me know he's probably close to asking her to be his wife. You know how he is when he gets nervous. Now you: has any lady caught your eye?"

"Sorry, Pa, nothing to report on my end. You'll have to be satisfied with two married sons."

"You never know, Adam. The right opportunity might present itself at any moment. You only need to be ready to accept her when you get that chance."

There were so many possible innuendoes in the things his father was saying to him, but Adam had to believe he couldn't know about him and Sheena. He was too jovial, too relaxed, to have that kind of concern. Although, Adam cringed inside with some of this father's questions, he managed to keep a smiling countenance as they walked from bank to bank and discussed business as well as family. Later, at the hotel, Ben's suspicions about Hoss' intentions were proven correct. Hoss held up his purchase at dinner.

"Is it proper to show all of you before I show Bess?"

From the size and shape of the box, they all knew what was inside. Joe was ecstatic as was his usual way of greeting good news.

"Hoss, you old dog, you're finally going to ask her. Hey, the timing couldn't be better with Adam here. We can have one heck of a wedding. Maybe I ought to order some fireworks before we leave tomorrow?"

"Now, Joe, I ain't asked her yet, and she ain't said yes neither."

"Hoss, c'mon, she's been waiting for this for ten years or more. Of course, she'll say yes!"

More sedately but just as happily, Adam and Ben congratulated Hoss as well.

"I just hope I can have as happy a marriage as Joe and Sheena got, and I wouldn't mind a passel of kids running around either."

Joe and Sheena grinned at the compliment, but Adam got a feral cat look when he glanced at Sheena. Mostly he had done his best not to look at her or comment directly to her. His behavior was probably noticed by the others, but at the moment, he didn't know how else to handle the situation. That night, Adam found sleep as elusive as he had the night before. Tired and emotionally on edge, he met his family for breakfast the next morning before they headed home to the Ponderosa.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Seeing Joe and Sheena together, Adam could see how much his youngest brother was in love with his wife. Joe was attentive to her and when a pretty lady walked by, he gave her no more of a glance than any man would given the nature of men who admired the beauty of the scenery around them. Adam had to admit that his youngest brother had become an impressive man with a quieter confidence than he ever remembered him possessing. He knew he wasn't any taller, but he seemed to be somehow. Ben could hardly stop bragging about how Joe had taken charge of much of the Ponderosa business.

"He doesn't like being away from home though. He likes being on the Ponderosa with all that he loves so dearly."

Ben was relaxing on the porch of a waystation with his two older sons as Joe took Sheena for a short walk before dinner. Hoss was sitting with his legs stretched out resting on an empty keg, and Adam leaned against a porch post too tense to sit any more.

"Pa, ifn I had a pretty little wife like that and a button of a daughter like he's got, I'd never need to set foot off the Ponderosa either."

"That could happen for you soon enough, son. Then we'll have to send Adam for supplies and to do all of our business."

"Pa, you ain't got a wife and daughter though."

"Hoss, I have a grandchild and I'm hoping for more. That's what keeps me going."

"Yep, Pa, and it's all Adam's fault."

"My fault? How could it be my fault?"

"Well, you're the oldest and you always done set the way things got done in the family. You didn't get married so we didn't get married. It was as simple as that. Finally you was gone and we gradually forgot that lesson you taught us, and we up and decided to get married."

Adam shook his head as Ben chuckled and then joined in the teasing. "Yes, in most families, it is expected that the oldest marry first. If they don't, the others can't marry."

At that point, Joe and Sheena rounded the corner of the waystation and had to ask about the reason for the merriment. Sheena joined in but her line was more cutting especially to Adam who understood the strong feelings that were behind it.

"Adam, could have been the first to marry, but he squandered his chance, and I'm just so lucky that Joe was smart enough to grab what his older brother had given up."

The stationmaster called out that dinner was ready so Ben and Hoss followed Sheena inside. Joe hung back and put a hand on Adam's arm. "I hope there's no hard feelings about me marrying Sheena. I didn't think you felt that strongly about her, but the way you look at her now, makes me wonder if courting her and marrying her was the right thing to do."

"Joe, I'm glad you found someone to love as deeply as you do. I look at her a bit strangely I suppose because I feel she's still angry with me for leaving. It's nothing more, Joe."

"Oh, I don't think she's mad at you. She likes to tease the men around her, that's all."

Hoping to change that subject, Adam had a suggestion. "Let's go in to get some dinner. I do remember what it was like if you didn't get to the dinner table fast enough and Hoss was there first." Laughing lightly, the two brothers entered the waystation to see Hoss with a full plate of beans, bacon, and a biscuit. It only made the laughter louder and Hoss knew why they were laughing and told them it was their own fault for dallying outside. The interchange was enough to shift Adam's thoughts away from Sheena. He grabbed a plate and went to sit on the porch where there was more room. Ben joined him there a short time later with two cups of coffee.

"It is a bit crowded in there."

"Thanks, Pa. Is the coffee any better than the food?"

"No, but it's hotter, and you don't have to chew it."

Adam took a sip. "Well, that's a matter for debate, isn't it?"

Leaning back, Ben had a concern similar to Joe's. "Adam, is this difficult for you with Joe married to Sheena? You seem very ill at ease around her."

"It was a surprise, and I'm still getting used to seeing her in a different role, but that is my unease. There's nothing for you to worry about."

"Good, I was hoping that's all it was. Sheena does have a way of flirting with men sometimes, and they take it wrong thinking that she is interested in them. To her, it's harmless teasing, and I know Joe has talked to her about it. I had hoped that she hadn't said anything to you that made you uneasy in this situation."

"No, Pa, it isn't any flirting or teasing that has me a little uncomfortable around her. I'm sure things will work out in time." Adam did his best to dance around the truth without actually lying to his father. It was difficult though as images of Sheena in his bed invaded his thoughts far too often.

Ben noticed the familiar gestures. Adam rubbed the space on his forehead between his eyebrows and then dropped his head and rubbed his neck. He knew his son was very uncomfortable about something, but it was also clear he wasn't going to talk about it. For the time being, Ben was going to let it ride, but if necessary, he would force it out of his oldest son. Adam was exceptionally good at holding back unless you got him mad. Ben knew it might have to come to that if he wanted to know what was bothering him so much. "Do the men you do business with know your tells? Do they know the gestures you make when you're troubled?"

"I doubt it. It's a lot easier holding emotions in check when the people aren't ones you love. Let's go inside and find out what uncomfortable sleeping arrangements they have for us."

The accommodations were better than the usual with bunk beds in a large room. There were no sheets but there was a soft blanket on each and a pillow. Joe and Adam took top bunks leaving Ben, Hoss, and Sheena to have three lowers. In the morning, all were reasonably refreshed. Adam asked if he could ride up front with the driver. It was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for him with the looks he got from Sheena, and he worried that Hoss and especially Joe might start wondering as his father already did why he reacted as he did to her.

When they got to Virginia City, Hop Sing was there with the large carriage. He was overjoyed to see that Adam had returned and postponed his stay in town to return to the Ponderosa with the family. He said he wanted to make a big dinner to celebrate the number one son's return. Adam told him that was unnecessary, but he insisted. On the Ponderosa, Adam found his room much as he had left it years before. It was clean and orderly. He assumed Hop Sing had been dusting it regularly and keeping it aired out. He unpacked his bags and didn't turn when there was a knock on the door. He did turn when the door closed. He had assumed it was his father or a brother and was dismayed to find Sheena standing in his bedroom.

"You've been hiding from me. Do I make you that uncomfortable."

"Yes, and I hope that satisfies you. Now open the door. I don't want to do anything to hurt my brother."

"Oh, I wouldn't do anything here. I wouldn't hurt Joe either. He's very nice to me, and I like being married to him. No, I only came here to deliver a warning. If you stay here, your family is eventually going to find out what happened. No, I want you to leave as soon as it can be worked out. I'm sure you can come up with a suitable explanation as to why you need to live in town."

"So that's what you have in mind for the rest of my punishment. You'll banish me from the Ponderosa?"

Nodding, Sheena smiled. "I like having the power over you for a change. Remember what I said. You need to come up with a plan and soon."

With that, she turned and left the room. She really had a way of leaving Adam in turmoil with no idea of what to do next. He sat on his bed and dropped his head. There was another light knock, and Adam jerked his head up certain that she had come back to taunt him, but it was Hoss.

"Gees, Adam, you're as jumpy as a newborn colt. You want to tell me what's bothering you? You got that look like I seen on men who are running from the law."

"It's not the law I'm running from."

"Sheena?"

Looking up at Hoss then, Adam saw only concern. There was no condemnation. At least he was sure that Hoss didn't know what had happened. "It is a different situation than I expected."

"You weren't hoping she was still available, were ya?"

"No, Hoss, but it is a bit strange to see Joe with his arm wrapped around her."

"Yeah, guess it would be. I'm going over to Bess' now. I figured you had plenty of family here to keep you company. Wait till that little Eleanor wakes up from her nap. You're gonna love her. She's so cute, and smart too."

"I'm sure I will, Hoss, and congratulations in advance. I know Bess' will say yes."

After Hoss left, Adam finished unpacking. He looked at the clothing he had left and realized most wouldn't fit him. He needed to go to town and buy some clothing more suitable for living on a ranch. When Eleanor woke up, she eyed the dark haired stranger with the mustache very seriously for a bit. Adam knelt down so that his height would seem so intimidating. Eleanor smiled at him, which he returned and then she reached up for his mustache.

"Tickles." Looking back at her proud father, she pointed to the mustache again and touched it once more. "Papa, it tickles."

"Not as much as it will when he gives you a kiss. It's your Uncle Adam. The one in the picture with me and Uncle Hoss."

"No, not him."

"It's probably the mustache, Joe. I guess she'll take some time getting used to it."

"Adam, it's gonna take all of us a while to get used to that. How long did it take you to grow it? Three days?"

"When I was younger, I was proud of having such a beard that other men were jealous and the ladies were impressed. Now I wish I had a face like yours. I have to shave twice a day when I'm doing business deals, and you look like you shave about once a week."

"No, Sheena likes me to shave every day, but it's pretty easy to do with what I have."

"And he has a nice smooth chest too." Sheena had come up to Joe and rubbed her hand across his chest. It embarrassed Joe a little but overall he was proud that she liked him the way he was. Adam knew though that the comment had been a jibe at him. He wondered how many more times she would do that. He hoped it would stop soon before Joe or more likely his father knew there was more behind her comments than simple teasing.

At night, Adam dropped into bed exhausted and grateful for that because he didn't know if he would be able to sleep otherwise. He knew that if he had told the truth immediately in San Francisco, his relationship with his brother wouldn't be potentially as damaged as it might become now. It had been cowardly to keep the secret. He had sacrificed so much in order to appear not to have made a mistake. He guessed that he wanted to return home like some conquering hero of mythology. He had wanted to impress his father and his brothers so they wouldn't see how much he was disappointed in himself and confused about what he wanted. He was angry with himself and unsure of what to do next. He knew he needed to find a way to tell Joe what had happened and take whatever punishment that would be meted out. He decided that it was time to tell the truth and get it all out in the open. The only doubt he had was the fear of what his revelation could do to Joe's marriage and how that would affect not only Joe but his daughter. He thought that he should think this decision through for a day and talk to Joe the next evening. He thought too that perhaps he could tell Hoss first and have him there to help.

The next day, Adam borrowed some clothing from his father so that he and Hoss could ride out to see the ranch including all the changes that had been made or at least as many as they could see in one day. Hop Sing packed a good lunch for them, and the two brothers rode out. Ben was relieved. He sensed a tension in the house whenever Sheena and Adam were near each other. He hoped to talk with her once Joe left. He needed to understand the situation, but when he tried to talk with her about it, she claimed there was nothing and he was imagining it.

Out on the pastures of the Ponderosa, Adam was impressed with how good things looked. When he said that to Hoss, he could see the big man was pleased. They rode to the grain mill, the lumber mill, and then swung around to head to the lake where the paddlewheeler docked. It was being repaired with parts they had sent from Sacramento when they were passing through on the way to San Francisco. If it had been running, they would have taken it across the lake. Adam looked at Hoss with surprise as they stopped on a ridge above the lake and could see the boat clearly in the distance.

"Yep, it's ours. Sure does cut a lot of time off some travel. Runs most of the year except when the snows get too deep on the roads that lead to the docks on either side."

"Things are looking so good here. You and Joe are doing a great job."

"We got a lot of good help. Well maybe except that one." Hoss had noticed one of the hands heading toward some trees and away from where the branding was supposed to be taking place. "Unless we got some cattle that strayed right through a fence, Chester's sneaking off again." Hoss wheeled his horse to go to confront the man, and Adam rode with him. Hoss hailed the rider but he must not have heard him for he kept on riding. When they got close, they could see that he was drinking from something but his canteen hung prominently on his saddle. Hoss rode up and startled the man. Riding in their direction was their foreman, Candy.

"Now I been warning you about sneaking off to get out of work, but this is going way over the line. You know our rules about drinking, and you know it means being fired if you break those rules even once. I've suspected you were drinking on the job before."

"Hoss, it's only cause I got this here real bad tooth. It hurts something fierce."

"That's no excuse, Chester, and you know it. Ifn you woulda told us about the tooth, we woulda sent ya to the doc. Now I gotta fire you."

"You can't fire me. I need this job. I got a family to support."

"I'm sorry, but you shoulda thought about that before you were drinking on the job. You can clear out your things and I'll have your pay ready tomorrow morning. You can come get it then."

"This ain't right to do, Hoss. Won't you give me a second chance? Don't everybody get a second chance?"

"I might ifn it wasn't for everything else. Chester, you're a lazy troublemaker and ifn I had known that up front, I never woulda hired you. Now ride back and get your gear. I expect you to be gone by the time me and Adam get back to the ranch later."

"Hoss, you do this, and you'll be sorry."

"Is that a threat, Chester?"

"You just watch your back. Treating people like this can make a heap of enemies for a body. You just better be watching out from here on out."

Adam rode forward at that point. "You hurt my brother in any way, and I'll kill you."

"Who are you?"

"I'm his brother, and I've dealt with men like you before. Now do as he says or I'll tie you over the saddle myself and send you on your way."

Adam's voice and posture were intimidating even if Chester had never seen him before. "You Cartwrights are always so dang bossy. I'll be back tomorrow for my pay, and you better make sure you don't short me none."

As Chester rode away, Hoss introduced Candy to Adam. "You made a big threat there. You able to back it up?"

"You're welcome to check any time."

"Now you two cut it out. It ain't the time to see which stallion is in charge. All right?"

"Sorry. Hoss, I'm glad I saw you. We're finding a few cows that look like somebody took a running iron to them to try to change the brand. It didn't work very well so they must have given up on those, but that could explain why our count was down in that southeast pasture. It's got the best grass so we should have had more cows there."

"I'll meet you there in a bit. I want to check out the view from the top of that hill." Adam wheeled his horse and began to ride toward the top of the nearest hill.

"He's a might touchy, isn't he?"

"He can be. I wouldn't be challenging him like that if I were you. He can back it up, and he has in the past. He's not a man to push too hard ifn you know what I mean."

"I didn't mean to push him. I was just joshing a bit."

"I know that, but he doesn't know you. Just kinda watch it for a while."

"You worried that he'll leave again."

"He ain't said he's staying yet. I don't want to give him any more reasons for leaving. I'd like him to stay."

"What do you think he's doing up on top of that hill?"

"This is his part of the Ponderosa. I'm hoping he's thinking that would be a nice spot for a house. It would be too."

Hoss and Candy continued to ride to the branding area. Suddenly a rifle shot rang out and Hoss pitched forward from his horse. Candy drew his weapon even as he dismounted to rush to Hoss' aid. Just a short time later, Adam raced in to where Candy was pressing a wad of cloth to Hoss' back.

"It's bad. I can't get the bleeding to even slow down."

"Here, let me do it. I've had some training with caring for wounds." Quickly Adam shifted Hoss' position and then moved to put pressure straight down on the wound. Hoss moaned in pain but after a moment, it was clear the bleeding was slowing. "Thank God, it's not one of the major vessels. Send someone for the doctor and then bring a wagon and help out here. I don't want to try moving him without this pressure. He's lost a lot of blood already."

"Did you see where the shot came from?"

"Saw a man riding fast away toward town. That's all I could see with trees in my way. I saw Hoss fall when I was on top of the hill."

It was an hour later before they got Hoss into his bed. Another hour passed before the doctor arrived. Adam stood staring at his brother as the doctor told Ben and Joe they had to go.

"I've helped with caring for wounds before. I've had some training."

"Ever help with a brother before?"

"Yes."

"All right, wash that blood off your hands and put on a clean shirt. Then come back and you can help."

An hour later, Adam needed to do the same thing again. Once he was cleaned up, he went down the stairs to tell his family about Hoss' condition. Joe sat with Sheena on the settee, and Ben was sitting in his red leather chair. Roy sat in the blue chair, and Candy had pulled a barrel chair over to sit with the others. Hop Sing waited at the kitchen door to see what he could do. "He lost a lot of blood before Paul could get everything stitched up. He got the bullet out and cleaned the wound, but there's always a chance of infection. Right now, it looks clean though with nothing more than the expected slight swelling."

"Son, what is it you aren't telling us?"

"We didn't use ether because Hoss was unresponsive. He never felt anything that was done. He's still unresponsive. Paul says he's in a deep coma. He's not sure when he'll come out of it, but for now, it might be a good thing because he's not feeling the pain nor trying to move around. Paul's going to stay until he's sure he won't be needed. It probably means he'll spend the night here."

Roy had asked Candy some questions and now had to ask Adam. "Candy says you saw the man who done it. Can you describe him?"

"I saw a man riding away right after I heard a rifle shot and saw Hoss fall. The angle was right for that man to be the one. He looked to be short. That was about all I could tell only seeing him riding away through the trees about a quarter of a mile from me."

"Did it look like Chester Rafferty? Candy says you and Hoss had trouble with him just a few minutes before Hoss got shot."

"It looked like him, but I couldn't swear to it."

"Well, I'm gonna go find Chester and have a talk with him, and he better have some good answers for me too. Now you know I'll be praying for Hoss. You all take care now."

Roy left then and Hop Sing asked Adam if he wanted something to eat. He said no because all he could think of then was blood pouring out of Hoss until Paul had stopped the bleeding. He sat down in the blue chair, and with his elbows resting on his knees, he dropped his head into his hands. He had hoped to talk with Joe, but now the concern for Hoss became the highest priority. He couldn't drop his burden on Joe at this point.

On the settee, Sheena watched Adam. Since she had first been with him in San Francisco, she was frequently watching him when she wasn't doing something to torment him. He had remained remarkably unaffected in many ways by what she had already done. She remembered all those things about him that she liked, and she began to wonder if those things that had made her fall in love with him were still working. Perhaps she still did love him and that's why his rejection of her hurt so much even after all these years. She began to worry that she loved Adam still and that was why she hadn't fallen in love with Joe or at least wasn't sure if she loved him. Joe was so good to her, and she did like him and respect him very much. But sometimes she thought there was something missing, and she worried it was because she had given her heart to Adam. Her somber look wasn't seen as unusual as Ben and Joe worried about Hoss. Candy excused himself and said he would tell the men about Hoss. Ben stood to go see Hoss, but Adam said that Paul had asked that no one disturb Hoss for at least a few hours, so Ben sat down again. Very quietly, they all waited for those hours to be over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Adam, I gotta ask ya where you was this morning?"

"Why? I was on the ranch all morning."

"But where on the ranch? Was ya near the road to Virginia City at all?"

"No, I was around the house all morning. I didn't ride anywhere. What is all this about? My brother is shot by someone, and you're questioning me like I did something wrong."

"Well, Chester Rafferty got shot just like your brother Hoss. Only thing is, Chester is dead. Now some folks were on the road, and they said the man who done it looked like you. They said you was wearing all black like you are now, and you were riding a chestnut horse. You ride a chestnut horse, don't you? I saw one saddled up and tied to the hitching rail yesterday."

"Roy, I didn't shoot Chester Rafferty."

"Well, then all I need is someone to say they was with you at about ten this morning when Chester got shot."

"I don't think I can ask someone to do that. I was alone."

"You was here on the ranch but not a single solitary soul saw you?"

"Sorry, but that's the story."

"Well, it does sound like a story too. Adam, if you can't do better than that, I hafta ask ya to come with me. I gotta lock you up until I can investigate this more."

"Roy, is that really necessary. You know Adam didn't do it. This is his home. He won't leave if you ask him to stay here."

"Ben, I'm sorry, but Adam proved that he would leave here. He's been gone nigh on seven years now. He's gotta go to the jail."

"Sheriff, my brother is upstairs fighting for his life, and you want to throw me in jail because somebody shot a worthless piece of cow dung like that Chester Rafferty?"

"Adam, talking like that ain't helping your case none. Candy talked yesterday about how you threatened Chester ifn he was to hurt Hoss, and you yourself said you thought it could be Chester. That family on the road to Virginia City who saw a man riding fast away from where Chester lay in the road and said it looked like you: they're neighbors of yours and have been since you were a boy. They were the ones who brought Chester to town. He was shot in the back just like Hoss. Now that all looks bad for you, and if you've got yourself no alibi, I don't have no choice in the matter. You have to come with me or give me your alibi witnesses."

Seeing no way out of his dilemma, Adam stood to follow Roy out the door. He had an alibi but couldn't use it for the damage it would cause. That morning as he had walked up the stairs, he passed Sheena who took his hand as in sympathy but slipped a note into his palm. She asked to meet him in the grove of trees behind the house to discuss settling their 'problems' as she referred to them in the note. Hoss lay in a coma, and Adam thought it best to meet with her. If they could develop a more friendly relationship then the whole family dynamic would be healthier. He hoped to convince her to tell Joe what had happened in San Francisco. If she did, then perhaps Joe would be able to forgive her. Adam was prepared to accept whatever Joe wanted to do to him for the role he had played in all of this especially in not being truthful with his brother. What she had said to him had shocked him to his core.

"Adam, hear me out before you say anything. All last night, I've been thinking about what I did and why I did it. When I saw you in San Francisco, I was so angry all over again that you had left me, but at the same time, I desired you. I wanted you more than you can imagine so I hatched my awful scheme. For the past three years, I've wondered why I can't say I love Joe with all my heart because I like him so much and he is wonderful. Now I think I know. I still love you, and I still desire you. Adam, please, we can be together. We can leave here and travel wherever you want to go. Please?"

Frozen in silence at the impact of what she was saying and suggesting made Adam take too long to answer her. She stepped forward and kissed him as her hands roamed to places they never should have gone. Adam took her by the shoulders and pushed her back holding her away from him.

"Yes, Adam, that's what I missed. I want that kind of strength and that kind of passion."

"No, no, stop talking. I can't believe you said that, any of that. Sheena, this is crazy. I'm sorry, but I don't love you. I did once, but I didn't like you enough. Two people have to have more between them than enjoying time in bed. We disagreed on so many things. We could never have sustained a relationship. Now you have a chance at a long term loving relationship with my brother. Don't throw it away. Don't even think of ever repeating any of this to anyone. It would destroy my family. It would destroy Joe. Don't you see that? You must care for him. I think you love him but you're afraid to admit it. You're afraid to admit that you like living on the Ponderosa and being the wife of a rancher. It doesn't fit with those crazy romantic ideas you have always had."

"You can be a real bastard sometimes. I poured out my heart to you, and all you can do is to rip my heart to shreds. You want me. I know you do."

"This is reality, Sheena. This is who I am, and you know it too. This is why we could absolutely never be together. I'm not the romantic. Joe is. That's why you married him and not me. Don't you see it? Yes I want you, but, Sheena, I physically desire any beautiful woman. I won't pursue that woman if she's married or committed to someone else. I need to like that woman or perhaps fall in love with her too for me to make a serious effort to woo her. I don't love you and I don't like you much at the moment either so that would negate any desire to pursue you as well. I was going to tell Joe what happened in San Francisco, but I can't. You need to find a way to tell him if you want to save your marriage. I think it's far more important to you than you realize. Give up these romantic notions and accept reality. I'll take whatever punishment he wants to dish out." Pulling out of his grasp then, Sheena was in tears. "You have to stop acting on whims and seeking vengeance for not getting your way. Don't you see? You have a chance here to grow up finally and be a woman and not some silly, vindictive girl who would throw away all she has. Did you even think about Eleanor? Did you ever consider the impact of your actions on her? Think this through, Sheena, and you'll know what you have to do."

At that point, Sheena knew he was right. She had been a fool and a witch. She had no idea how she could undo the wrongs she had done. With tears wetting her cheeks, she turned and walked slowly toward the house wondering how anyone could love her. No one would question her tears because Hoss' condition had all of them scared and emotionally distraught. Adam waited out in the garden in back of the house sitting on a bench as he was too overwhelmed by the emotional burden he carried and the impact of this last conversation to try to talk with anyone at that point. He wasn't aware that Chester had arrived at the house demanding his pay, and that he had ridden away while Adam had been talking with Sheena and then sat in the garden trying to find a logical way out of his dilemma.

Hours later, Roy showed up asking Adam for an alibi and he could find no way to tell Roy without opening up the situation with Sheena and what she had said. Sheena heard Roy's question and blanched. She had decided to ignore Adam and focus her attentions on Joe. She had heard what Adam had to say and accepted most of it, but she hated him for it at the same time. When he stood to leave with Roy, Sheena was glad that Adam would be out of the house for a while. She hoped to somehow come to terms with her own feelings and work out how she would treat Adam in the future. She sat there with Eleanor on her lap and watched a dejected Adam leave.

As Roy rode to town with Adam, he tried to get him to talk, but he knew too that Adam never talked unless he wanted to talk. It was clear that at this moment, he had nothing he was willing to say to Roy other than to ask if Roy would send a message to the family law firm asking them to send a lawyer to talk with him. Unfortunately, the lawyer saw the case just as Roy did.

"Adam, this looks very bad. I won't even be able to get the judge to set bail in your case. The evidence is too much, and that you spent the last seven years away from here means you could just as easily run as face the charges against you. If you could just give me some explanation of where you were when Chester Rafferty was shot, that should help."

"I was sitting in the garden of my home alone and thinking about what had happened to my brother. I have no alibi other than that."

"Adam, it's not enough. If we went into court with that, the jury would convict you and probably rather quickly too. You have to give me something."

"I have quite a bit of money. Hire some men to investigate this and find out who else wanted Chester dead. I'll pay any fees. If we can present an alternate theory, that should help create doubt, shouldn't it?"

"It might if we were trying the case in New York or Boston. Men out here don't look too much at theories. They like facts. That's an extremely slim hope to hang your life on."

"It may be, but it's all I have."

When the lawyer left, Adam leaned back against the wall of the cell trying to determine what mistakes he had made to have his life spiraling out of control. He had come home to try to recapture the sense of family and belonging that he had lost. Now he sat in a jail cell facing a probable conviction for murder and a sentence that likely would have him standing on the gallows again. The previous two times, he had been saved at the last minute: once by Joe and the other time by Hoss and Joe who had some others who helped. He wondered who could save him this time. He felt chilled as he sat there, and the chill wasn't just the air and the cold wall. The chill was seeing the end of his life that seemed so near at that point. What was an even greater pain was not knowing if Hoss was going to live or die, and not being able to be there to help his father and brother. Of course, this was making it even more difficult for them and caused more guilt. He had made a mistake in allowing Sheena to seduce him in San Francisco, and everything had spiraled out of control after that. Various people including several ministers had used that idea of a pebble in the pond and the how the ripples moved out to affect the whole pond. He had walked away from Sheena seven years earlier and now those ripples had affected his whole world. He wondered too if she would come forward to explain where he had been that morning. He wished she wouldn't because of how the revelations that would result could hurt Joe, but he also knew it might be his only chance to live.

On the Ponderosa, Ben was praying. He sat at Hoss' side and prayed that his son would wake up and recover fully. He prayed too that Adam would not spend too much time in jail before everything was cleared up. He didn't sleep except for short naps as he fell asleep in the chair. He ate some of what Hop Sing brought to him each time. Joe came in and sat with him often. Joe tried to get his father to go to his room to rest but it never worked. Until Hoss opened his eyes, Ben was going to be there and praying. Two days later, Hoss had still not awakened, but Ben felt he had to go to town to see Adam. Joe sat with Hoss and promised his father that he wouldn't leave his brother's side for any reason. In town, Ben only went to the sheriff's office. His only purpose was to visit with Adam and to see how he was holding up under all that had happened.

"Pa, Hoss?" As soon as Adam saw his father, he stood with only one thing on his mind.

"Still the same. He's in a coma and hasn't responded to much of anything yet. He does squeeze my hand sometimes, and he has moaned a few times. Paul says that means he's getting better slowly. I need to see him open his eyes for me to completely believe that. Now how about you?"

"I'm sure Joe must have told you what I discussed with him yesterday. He's going out there to see if he can find any tracks or any sign of what happened. The best tracker is Hoss but he can't help me now."

"Would it help to bring in another lawyer?"

"There's not much for any lawyer to use. There's evidence against me, and I have no alibi."

"Adam, why were you out in the garden so long? I mean, with your brother inside in a coma, I would have expected you especially to be checking in regularly."

"I was very troubled. I had to think, and I guess I assumed that if there was any change, someone would tell me."

"But we didn't know you were there in the garden. No one saw you sitting outside. So all you have is your word that you were there. If you could only tell us if someone saw you there or why you weren't at your brother's side that would help. I know it had to be something serious for you to do that."

"And there we are back at the crux of the problem. Pa, this trial is going to start tomorrow. I have no legal argument as to why it can't or so the lawyers tell me. We've hired men to investigate, and Joe said he'd take a look out there to see if he can find anything, but Pa, it looks bad. If nothing changes, then I may be convicted. You know what that means."

"Adam, I can't accept that will happen. An innocent man can't be convicted."

"Pa, you know that can happen. It happened to us. We sat in this jail once waiting to walk to the gallows."

"That worked out. She admitted she lied."

"Pa, the people who said they saw me only said that it looked like me. Now the lawyers hope to shake that up some, but the rest is true. I did threaten him, and I did say that I thought it looked like him riding away. He was shot just like Hoss was shot, and I have no alibi. Pa, it looks bad. I didn't do it, but many people probably already think I did."

Ben looked a bit pale so Adam had him sit on the cot next to him. The reality that he could lose two sons had hit him. He had prayed and hoped, but Adam's words had pierced through his protective shield. At that point, Ben didn't know what he needed more: to console or be consoled. Adam solved that. Uncharacteristically he wrapped his arms around his father and put his head on his father's shoulder. He would do both. Ben embraced his son. There were no more words that were necessary. It was so quiet that Roy stepped to the doorway to see if Ben was ready to leave. Seeing the father and son holding each other, Roy stepped back. He would give them all the time and privacy they needed.

It was tearing him up inside to have Adam in his jail facing probably a conviction for murder that likely would result in a death sentence. Roy wouldn't do it. If it came to that, he would resign. For perhaps the hundredth time, he looked over the statements he had trying to find some kernel of an explanation as to how Adam could not have done this terrible thing. He couldn't find anything. What he needed, and Adam needed was something that pointed to someone other than Adam who had done this. There was nothing. Chester wasn't liked by many, but not actively disliked either. He was lazy, drank too much, and was a loudmouth. Not one of those things was going to give anyone a motive for murder. That's what they needed to keep Adam off the gallows. They needed a motive for someone to kill Chester.

The motive they needed resided in a man who was over at the general store at that time. He was just hearing that Adam had been arrested for the murder of Chester Rafferty. He was a little perturbed to find that Chester had not been working for the Cartwrights, which he had assumed. But to find that Adam was in jail for that murder was such good news he had to fight the smile that wanted to break out. He knew people would notice that so he kept as neutral a face as he could manage. He had gotten one of the Cartwright sons without even trying. To have him humiliated and then hanged was going to be a special day for him. He knew that Ben Cartwright and the rest of the family would suffer a lot because of that. It did his heart good or at least that's what he would have told people if he ever dared to say a word about what he had been doing. No one paid much attention to him and that's what he liked. He got his supplies and headed back up into the hills to get ready to take out another Cartwright or one of their hands but not too soon. He thought he would wait until after the trial and the hanging. If the people in the store were correct, Adam was going to be convicted. In their minds, he already was.

When Ben rode home it was with a very heavy heart. He hoped that Adam was wrong, but he knew his intelligent and logical son wasn't wrong. It looked very bad for him. When he rode into the yard, one of the hands volunteered to take care of his horse. He trudged to the house wondering where he would get the strength to face what was coming, and he marveled again at how strong Adam was. He had wanted consolation from his father, but he seemed to be withstanding the rigors of his predicament remarkably well. His greatest worry was not his own future but his worries about Hoss. He saw an unfamiliar horse and wondered who it could be until he got inside. Bess was there which he found out when he was shocked to see Joe sitting with Eleanor in front of the fireplace.

"You promised you would stay with Hoss!"

"Pa, Bess is with him. She came over and she was upset that we hadn't asked her over here to help. She says that Hoss is her love, and she should have been here."

With a deep sigh and a frown, Ben had to admit that was true. With the shock and the worry, he had not thought how upset Bess would be. He intended to apologize to her for that oversight. "Where's Sheena?"

"She went for a walk. She's very upset by all that has happened. I told her to go take a walk. It almost always seems to help her to do that. How's Adam today?"

"Remarkably calm. I would have expected more of reaction from him, but he seems resigned. He is terribly worried about Hoss though."

Ben would have said more, but Bess called to them very loudly, and they raced up the stairs. Scared that something had gone horribly wrong, both were relieved to find Hoss with his eyes open.

"He can't talk, but he knows what's going on. If you ask him a question, he looks at you and nods or shakes his head. He's going to be all right, isn't he? He's going to be all right."

"Unca Haws all better now?"

"Not quite yet, Eleanor, but he's getting better now. Would you like to go downstairs with your Papa and get some broth for your Uncle Hoss?" Joe got the hint and headed out of the room but was met by Hop Sing who already had a cup of broth and some apple juice on a tray, which he brought into the room. He handed Bess a spoon, and she asked Hoss if he wanted juice or broth. He wrinkled his nose when she said broth, so she began spooning apple juice into his mouth slowly. He was extremely thirsty after two days so he drank all of the apple juice and wanted more. Hop Sing went to get more as Bess gave him water to drink. It was a slow process but exactly what he needed.

"No wonder no one answered the door. I see our patient has shown that remarkable Cartwright fortitude." Doctor Martin came into the room and waited for Bess to finish giving Hoss the cup of water. "Now, can you say anything?"

"A steak?" Hoss' voice was hoarse and very soft, but that got a chuckle from everyone. "Ah, not quite yet, but if you tolerate the juice and have that broth next, I'll let Hop Sing start preparing some soft foods for you to have in a couple of hours. Your system needs to get restarted slowly so you need to start with fluids and then move to soft foods. If all goes well, you can have a steak in a week or so."

"A week!"

"Now, do you remember what happened to you?" Hoss' blank look was all that anyone needed to know his answer. "Hoss, you were shot. When lead invades a body like that, the shock, the pain, and the blood loss can knock any man completely on his back. You've been in a coma for over two days. You may not be feeling much pain right now, but if you try to move, you're going to find that is not the case. There are some pain powders that I left with Hop Sing if you need them. I would rather you don't move around much in order to avoid the pain rather than moving too much and needing the pain medication."

Looking around the room, Hoss had only one question. "Where's Adam?"

Ben chose to answer, but Hoss knew it was evasive by how Ben sounded and by the looks of the others in the room. "Adam is in town. He had some business that he had to do. He's very worried about you, so we'll send word that you woke up. He'll be very happy about that." Hoss was very tired or he would have insisted on a more complete answer. As it was, he could barely keep his eyes open. Doctor Martin sent everyone from the room and took a moment to examine the wound. Finding no cause for concern, he told Hoss to go to sleep and that he would have someone in to sit with him soon.

When Ben saw Hoss later, Hoss had no more patience with the answers he had been getting. Hoss was resting in bed as ordered because he did find that trying to move hurt a lot. He became more and more concerned though when Adam didn't come back from town to see him. "Pa, I want you to tell me where Adam is. I've been hearing about how he's got some trouble to take care of in town. Pa, I know Adam would be here ifn he could be just like I'd be right here if he was shot, so it's time to be telling me the truth. How bad is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Ben had to ask Hoss a few questions before he would say any more. "Hoss, how much do you remember about the day you were shot?"

"Pa, I want to know how Adam is. I'm not going to stop asking until you tell me."

"Hoss, I will tell you, but I want to explain everything so you get the whole picture. Now please answer my question."

"I remember riding out with Adam. Adam didn't get shot too, did he?"

"No, Adam wasn't shot. Do you remember firing Chester Rafferty?"

"No, I don't, but it don't surprise me none. He had that coming for a long time."

"He threatened you, and Adam said he'd kill him if he harmed you."

"Adam didn't kill him, did he?"

"No, he didn't but he thought the man who shot you looked like Chester, and the next day, Chester was shot and killed on our property. He came to get his wages and was killed before he left the ranch."

"And they think Adam did it? That's crazy. Adam would never do anything like that."

"We know that, but unfortunately, he says he has no alibi, and there was a family who found Chester, and they said the man riding away looked like Adam so Roy had to arrest him."

"So, Adam is in big trouble?"

"Yes, he is. The trial starts tomorrow. It could be a short one. So far we haven't been able to find anything or anyone to help his case."

"You said he said he has no alibi. What did you mean by that?"

"Ever since Adam came back, I've had the feeling that he's been hiding something. Now I think he's hiding something more."

"What could he be hiding that he wouldn't say if it meant he wouldn't be convicted?"

"I don't know, Hoss, but it has to be something that Adam thinks is more important than his life."

"The only thing that could be that important for Adam is this family. You need to find out what he's hiding. He's got to be doing that cause he thinks it could hurt this family. Pa, you need to go talk to him right off, and you tell him if he don't talk to you, I'm gonna be heading to town to make him tell me."

"Hoss, you can't go to town. Paul said you shouldn't even be out of bed for two more days and then you'll be confined to the house for the rest of the week. You can't take a ride to town. You'll start bleeding again."

"You just tell Adam what I said. Now you go see him. I'll be fine here. Bess will be here again today, and Joe and Sheena can help me too ifn I need it. In fact, you should stay in town so Adam has somebody there for him. It must be awful for him."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

So Ben went to town to talk with Adam. As he walked into the sheriff's office, he met Adam's lawyer coming out. "You better talk to your son. I can't put him on the stand, and at this point he's the only thing we have."

"Why can't you put Adam on the stand to tell his side of the story?"

"Because when I talk with him about where he was when Rafferty was shot, I think he's lying. If I think that, I can't put him up there to testify. The jury would suspect the same thing so it really doesn't matter."

Ben didn't do any better with Adam than the lawyer had. The hunched shoulders, the slight frown, and the set of his jaw all told Ben that Adam had made a decision and was sticking to it. Nothing could move him when he was committed like that. "Is it so important that you would give up your life?"

"I'm innocent. I didn't shoot Chester Rafferty. If the legal system can't reach that outcome, than I guess it is a very flawed system."

For the next hour, Ben sat with Adam and told him about Hoss and his threat to come to town to make Adam tell everything he was holding back. They discussed almost everything except what would happen the next day. Ben stayed in town and in the morning once again tried to get Adam to explain where he had been when Chester Rafferty was shot. He got no answer any different than anyone else had heard. As a result, the trial was a quick one. The prosecution called Candy and Roy to testify to Adam's statements, and then called the Douglas family members who said the man they saw riding away looked like Adam. Adam's lawyer was able to get members of the Douglas family to admit that they were influenced by the others and that they had discussed the situation among themselves. However, the jury had heard the original testimony, and they couldn't get that memory out of the minds of the jurors even if it had been partially discredited. As expected, the jury had its verdict in a short time. The judge had Adam stand and sentenced him to twenty years of hard labor. Adam was surprised. He had expected a death sentence, but the judge believed that he was acting that way because of his brother being shot so he showed some mercy. Roy was relieved as were Ben and Joe as all believed that with more time, they would find some way to prove that Adam had not committed murder.

When Ben and Joe reached home and told the family the news, Sheena was wracked by even more guilt than she had been carrying. She knew Adam was in jail because of her, but she had assumed that he could not be convicted because he was innocent. Now she knew he was going to prison, and even with Ben and Joe assuring everyone that they would find a way to prove Adam's innocence, Sheena thought about the dilemma she had. If she told the truth, Adam would be spared the suffering of spending any more time locked up, but it would likely destroy her marriage, hurt Joe very badly, and ruin the relationship between the brothers. It would be a very difficult situation for her daughter too. She didn't know what to do, and each day when Ben and Joe rode to town to visit with Adam, she tried to think through a way out of the mess she had created. Somewhere in those hours and hours of soul searching, she realized she did love Joe and couldn't bear the thought of hurting him and being separated from him, but she knew her deceit and her transgressions were unforgivable. On the day that the prison wagon was scheduled to pick Adam up to take him to prison, Sheena ran outside to stop Joe and Ben before they rode to town. She had decided that the only thing she could do was to tell the truth and bear the consequences.

In the house, Hoss was sitting in front of the fireplace morose because of what had happened to Adam and because he couldn't help. He was surprised yet at how Sheena had bolted from the house and wondered what could be so urgent that she had to catch Joe before he left. Then he heard a distant rifle shot and a cry, and despite his pain, he hurried to the porch to see what had happened.

Up on the hill overlooking the house, a man mounted up to ride away. He had been incensed that Adam had not been sentenced to hang, which was especially galling when he heard that Hoss had not died and was expected to make a full recovery. Life seemed so unfair to him, and he had decided to strike at the very heart of the family and kill one of the women to balance the scales. He had seen two there, but only one lived there. He had asked around and verified that she was Joe's wife. She was his target. Once he fired, he smiled a little to see Joe Cartwright cradling the body of his wife. Then he rode off satisfied that he had achieved some measure of what he had set out to do.

As he rode away, Hoss reached the end of the porch and saw him riding in the distance. Hoss pointed and Candy and a few of the hands mounted up to give chase. Remarkably, all of them thought the man riding away looked like Adam, but they knew it couldn't be because he was sitting in the jail in town. Hoss leaned on a porch post and watched his little brother hold his wife.

"Oh, God, Sheena, you have to live. Open your eyes, please."

Struggling as if fighting quicksand, Sheena heard his voice. She opened her eyes and looked into her husband's face. All she saw was love and pain. She knew it was going to get worse.

"Sheena, the doctor will be here. Just hang on. Please, hang on."

Hop Sing was there then with a towel that they folded and held against Sheena's lower back to slow the bleeding.

"Sheena, I know it must hurt terribly, but we have to stop the bleeding."

"It doesn't hurt, Joe. It did at first. It felt terrible, but now there's no pain."

Exchanging glances, Hoss and Ben knew what the most likely reason was for that. She must have been hit in or close to the spine. Ben reached down to pinch Sheena near her ankle. She did not respond. "Joe, we need to get her in the house and in a bed."

"No, Ben, first I have to tell Joe something. I came out here to tell him, and I have to do it now. I don't know if I can later. I've done terrible things, and it's important that I tell you."

"Sheena, no, you don't have to tell me anything. No matter what it is, I forgive you."

"I don't know if you can. Please don't move me yet. I have a lot to tell you, and I can't take the chance that I will not be able to do that." Then Sheena told them everything from her inviting herself to Adam's room, hiding her wedding ring, seducing him, and then telling him she was married to his brother. Most importantly, she told them what she had done the morning that Chester Rafferty was killed explaining why Adam had no alibi he would divulge. 

By the time Sheena finished talking, her voice had dwindled to almost a whisper. The last words she struggled to say shook Joe even more than the confession.

"Joe, I love you. I know I ruined everything trying to get revenge on Adam. I can never forgive myself for what I did, but I can only hope that someday you can forgive me. Adam told me to tell you the truth. He said it was the only way for you to forgive me. I only hope he was right."

In shock by events as well as revelations, Joe held her as Ben held a wad of towel to the wound in her back. Her eyes closed then and her breathing became more shallow. As the bleeding slowed, but Sheena began to feel colder to the touch, Ben told Joe that they had to get her in the house immediately. Ben was nearly as shocked as Joe by what she had said, but he had suspected there was something that had happened between Sheena and Adam. He had never imagined it could be so terrible. He knew the guilt that Adam must be carrying, but worried even more now about Joe. Carefully, Ben and Joe lifted Sheena and carried her into the house. Hoss had gone back inside to take Eleanor into the kitchen earlier. She could be heard chattering away with Hop Sing who knew how important it was that he keep the little girl occupied. Hoss had managed to make it back to the porch to sit in a chair and listening as Sheena made her confession to Joe. The three men were in shock. Joe sat by Sheena's side as emotions from anger to fear swirled within him.

Silently, Hoss and Ben retreated to chairs by the fireplace to wait for the doctor. Neither knew what to say at first. The first thing that Ben said as soon as he could settle his mind a bit was that he was heading to town to tell Sheriff Coffee what Sheena had said. He was having a difficult time thinking about Adam taking Sheena to his bed on the first night he was in San Francisco. He had heard what Sheena had said, but he knew too how devastating the news must have been for Joe. He had never approved of Adam's willingness to bed women whom he had no intention of marrying. Now that proclivity of his son had reaped awful results.

Hoss wondered how Adam had not sensed there was something wrong with the situation when Sheena invited herself to his room. Surely he had known she was unhappy with him for leaving. Hoss had wondered sometimes why Sheena had accepted Joe's courtship, but then he had always concluded that Joe was a very attractive and vibrant man who most women would want as their own. Now he knew that he too had not understood that there was something wrong with that situation. Apparently Sheena had well and truly fooled them all.

The sound of horses in the yard had them both on the move again soon though as they headed outside to see if Candy and the others had apprehended the gunman. They had, and both Ben and Hoss were shocked to see who it was. His hands tied to the pommel of the saddle on his horse, Billy Drummond stared at them with hatred in his eyes."

"Billy, why would you shoot Sheena? You didn't even know her."

"Yeah, but I knew you, and I knew Joe. I wanted you to hurt like I hurt. I wanted all of you to hurt. I'm sorry about Chester. I thought he worked here, but I'm not sorry about Hoss. I only wish he was dead."

"You've been doing all the shooting! I don't understand. We gave you a farm. We helped you out all we could."

"Oh yeah, you gave me a farm, and I got married and had children, and it seemed like everything was just fine. But you helped out those Paiute too, and some of them young ones came to steal my stock. I tried to stop them and in the mess, my house started on fire. My wife ran back inside to get the children, but the roof fell in. I couldn't save them, but I could hear them screaming. Those Paiute ran off then without the stock, but they left me with nothing because without my family, I had nothing left. It's your fault."

"Billy, you told the sheriff that you knocked over the lantern when you ran outside to fire shots over their heads. You told the sheriff that you didn't realize that it would start a fire because you thought the flame was out, but that the wick must have been glowing with a spark. You said your wife came outside to get you to stop shooting but then saw the fire. Billy, it was an accident."

"No, it was your fault. Someone has to pay for their deaths. Someone has to die because they died. I lost my wife, so now Joe lost his. But Ben, I wanted you to lose your sons too like I lost my children."

There were plenty of witnesses to everything Billy had admitted, but Ben had a great sorrow in him knowing what Billy had done. Now his life was forfeit, but first they needed to get him to town before Adam ended up on that prison wagon. With Candy's help, Ben got his horse saddled and told Hoss to tell Joe what had happened. Then Ben and Candy took Billy to town. They passed the doctor on the way there and told him about Sheena's condition. He continued on his way going as fast as he could safely go as the three of them proceeded to town. Roy was shocked to hear everything Ben told him and Candy supported, and then even more shocked when Billy stated what he had done and why. It was clear that Billy had no remorse for what he had done. Roy wrote their statements out and had them sign them. Then he walked into the back with Billy and locked him in a cell next to Adam who was very surprised at that action, and even more surprised when Ben asked Roy if he would let Adam out.

"I can't let him go yet. He was convicted and sentenced. But I am gonna take these statements over to the judge and see what he'll let me do."

"I'd like to go with you."

"I think both you and Candy ought to come with me ifn he has any questions. Now I just have to get one of the deputies to watch over the office, and we can go."

"Pa, what's going on?"

"Adam, we'll talk later. Right now we have to get you out of here."

Surprised by the idea of being freed and by his father's brusque tone, Adam watched as they left. He turned to Billy and wondered if he knew anything to explain what had happened. By the time Ben returned to the jail with Roy who unlocked Adam's cell, he knew the part of the story that Billy knew. He worried about Sheena and hoped her wound wasn't fatal. His father remain sober and quiet saying again that they would talk later. As the three exited the sheriff's office where Candy had horses ready, a crowd gathered quickly. Some had been waiting to see Adam Cartwright hauled off in a prison wagon and weren't pleased to see him free.

"All right, now, folks, you're gonna be hearing the whole story soon enough, but what happened is Billy Drummond has confessed to shooting Chester Rafferty and the judge has accepted his statement. Adam Cartwright didn't commit any murder, and the judge has set aside the jury verdict. He's free to go."

Someone in the crowd yelled out a question. "Who shot Hoss?"

"Billy has admitted that too, and this morning, he shot Sheena Cartwright in the back. She's still alive as far as we know."

"Why would he do that?"

"He blamed the Cartwrights for his wife and children dying in that fire. I rightly think he's lost his mind thinking that way, but he did it all, and he thought he was getting justice for them by doing all that shooting. That's all you need to know for now. The rest will come out when we get Billy in the courtroom in front of the judge."

There was still some murmuring in the crowd, but they parted to let Ben, Candy, and Adam ride out. At the edge of town, Ben pulled up and asked Candy to ride ahead because he wanted to talk with Adam. Adam looked haggard and exhausted, and Ben knew what he had to say wasn't going to ease the burden on his son, but the truth had to be told. He dismounted and moved to sit on a boulder and asked Adam to do the same.

"Sheena has been shot. You know that from what Roy said and what Billy told you, but what they didn't say was that she told us everything. Well, she told Joe and Hoss and I were there. We know about San Francisco, and we know about the morning that Chester was killed."

As Ben repeated all of the conversation as he remembered it, Adam dropped his head. He didn't know what to say. He felt such terrible guilt, but he was also relieved that the truth was now out there despite the negative ramifications he would likely have to face.

"It's hard to believe that you would rather go to prison than to tell your brother the truth."

"I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want his marriage to end. I could see how much he loved her, and how much having a wife and daughter meant to him. I didn't want to let one stupid mistake on my part ruin so much for him."

"Didn't you even consider that she might be married when you saw her? You had to know most women her age are married."

"Yes, I thought it, but she wasn't wearing a ring and never bragged about being married. She always liked to brag about anything good that happened for her, so I didn't question her. Obviously, I should have. It was impulsive and thoughtless, and it made such a mess of things. She said she wouldn't say anything. She wanted me to torment myself with the guilt, and she got what she wanted."

"So you were going to punish yourself by going to prison?"

"I didn't see any other way out. I couldn't see destroying Joe's marriage and making life terribly difficult for his daughter as a good solution. If I had faced the gallows, I might have thought differently, but I was innocent so I had to believe that at some point there would be evidence to prove that."

"Don't you see that your silence made it worse. Joe was not only betrayed by his wife and his brother, but now he feels that you made a fool of him too."

"What would you have done?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I guess I think I would have had the good sense not to sleep with her in the first place, and if I did, I hope I would have had the courage to tell him."

"But what if you made that error. How would you handle it afterwards? What else could I have done? Would you have told him to save yourself and cause him pain and take away his joy?"

"I guess I don't know. But now what will you do?"

Feeling a bit like he did when he was sixteen and had first been with a girl kissing and touching, Adam felt guilt and indecision. He shook his head. He owned a number of businesses, had traveled extensively, and managed wealth and employees with ease. Now he was lost without any idea of how to proceed. "What do you think I should do? I could leave."

"That is the worst thing you could do. I think you have to face Joe and give him a chance to have his say. What you do after that is up to you. A lot could depend on whether Sheena lives or dies. At this point, I don't know."

"Let's go find out. I promise you I will not hurt Joe any more."

Father and son mounted up to ride home with nothing settled. When they got in the yard of the ranch, Candy met them and told them that Sheena was still alive at least. They walked slowly to the house. Ben entered first and then Adam. Hoss was sitting by the fireplace where he had been talking with Joe. From the look on Adam's face, he could tell that he knew that Sheena had admitted all of it. Adam stopped at the credenza and waited silently.

"Joe, remember what I said. What you do now will make or break this family forever." Hoss was sympathetic to Joe but worried too about what additional damage could be done to the family.

Walking slowly toward Adam who looked directly at Joe but said nothing, Joe's temper was unleashed. He swung and knocked Adam to the floor. He watched as Adam rubbed his jaw and stood slowly waiting for the next blow. It didn't take long. Joe hit him again even harder than the first time, and Adam flew back against the credenza. He stood but much more slowly than the first time and seemed a bit unsteady. He blinked a few times as if trying to focus but remained silent. Ben stood by knowing that he could not interfere. These two brothers who were men had to work this out.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

"I am sorry, and I know how inadequate that is. I was stupid, and I was wrong, and there's no way for me to fix the harm I did. I only hoped you might never know or that Sheena would tell you so that you could have a chance to save your marriage."

"Isn't it really so you wouldn't have to face me?"

"Maybe in part, but it was more so that my thoughtless actions would not hurt you."

"And you preferred prison to facing me?"

"Yes, because facing you meant that you knew what I had done, and you, your marriage, and your family were hurt."

Joe's next question startled Adam. "Do you love her?"

"No."

"Did you ever love her?"

"Yes, I think I did once."

"She must love you to want you after you left her so many years ago."

"No, Joe, she loves you, but it seems she was obsessed by her hatred of me. Her desire for revenge overwhelmed everything else. But Joe, she does love only you."

"She's got a funny way of showing it."

"She doesn't want to admit she loves you, but she does. She's here, isn't she? She had a child with you. She did what she did to hurt me not because she loved me. She didn't want to hurt you or she would have flaunted what she did. She loves you, but she's confused or she was. Pa said she told you the truth. She must have thought she was dying, and she told you she loved you and wanted your forgiveness. That must mean something to you."

"It does, but I wish I would have known right away. We should have had this conversation a long time ago."

Doctor Martin came out at that point ending their conversation. He asked for a cup of coffee and a sandwich before he sat down by the fireplace. He noticed Adam's bruised face and fresh blood on is lip. He suspected he knew why, but this wasn't the time to discuss it. "The bullet damaged the spine. She can't feel her legs, but I got them to react slightly to my touch. Now the reaction wasn't normal, but it was there. She may be able to feel her legs eventually, but she will never walk again."

"Never?"

"No, she may be able to get around with crutches if she gets enough feeling back, but at this point, I very much doubt that can happen. I'm almost sure that she'll be in a wheelchair the rest of her life."

"Does she know?"

"Joe, I didn't tell her, but she's a smart woman. She knows she can't feel her legs nor move them. I would think she's guessed by now. She's sleeping at the moment. She has no pain so there's no reason for pain powders, but she lost a lot of blood and her body took quite a shock so she's tired."

At that point, Eleanor appeared at the top of the stairs. She had finished her nap and wanted her mother. Ben looked around and realized he ought to be the one to go get her because Hoss was still recuperating, Joe was too upset, and Adam was leaning against the credenza looking pale. As Paul was leaving, he stopped by Adam and checked his eyes.

"Get this one to lay down. He's got a concussion."

When Ben got downstairs with Eleanor, he handed her over to Joe. "She wants to see her mother. I told her she would have to be quiet because her mother is not feeling well and needs to take a nap." Then Ben moved to Adam to guide him up the stairs to his bedroom. When he got back downstairs, he took a seat across from Hoss. "What are we going to do, Hoss?"

"Not much we can do. There are three people who have to decide what's important and then do what they can to make things better."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next morning, Ben and Joe were sitting at the dining table having coffee and waiting for Hop Sing to bring out some breakfast. Eleanor liked to sleep late in the morning, and Sheena was still sleeping as well. Ben broached the subject of Joe's marriage.

"I know it's very soon, and you've taken a lot of blows, but have you decided what you're going to do?"

"I told her I forgave her. I can hardly take that back. She told me again she loved me and only me. She said maybe we should go live somewhere else. I think she's embarrassed that the whole family knows."

"You're not thinking of leaving, are you?"

"No, I told her that everyone in the family would forgive her, and I hope that's true. I assume Adam will, because he was part of it, but I hope you and Hoss can forgive her too. I would like to put this behind us and never speak about it again."

"Joe, you know you won't be able to do that. This will be an issue for some time yet. Do you think that you could forgive her that quickly?"

"Pa, it isn't easy. But like Paul said, she's not in pain, so we talked a lot. She wants desperately to be part of Eleanor's life, and I want that too. I don't know if we'll ever have another child now. I guess we can talk to Paul about that. Even in a wheelchair, she can mind Eleanor, and we have Hop Sing for the other household things. Except for some dusting, Sheena didn't do that much here anyway except all of the sewing and embroidery, and she can still do that. I guess what I'm saying is that I want to make the best of it. I pledged in sickness and in health and for better and for worse. I meant it when I said it."

"You meant it when you said it, but are you sure you want to do this?"

"No, I'm not sure. I'm not sure at all that this will work out. It will be hard to love her like I did before because she broke the trust I had in her. I'm not sure if you can ever trust someone after they did something like that, but, Pa, I do still love her, and we have a beautiful daughter together. My marriage is worth some effort, some sacrifice, don't you think? I know it's going to be hard, but no one ever said life was going to be easy."

Ben sipped his coffee and had the hint of a smile.

"What's funny?"

"I was thinking that you are a remarkable, responsible man, and I'm proud to call you my son. It's not funny so much as ironic. Adam is the one who made an impulsive, irresponsible decision and is paying dearly for it. He doesn't seem to know what to do next."

"That's because he doesn't have much practice in handling messes he created for himself. I could give him some pointers. I forgive him too, but it's going to take a lot of time to try to forget it."

"Joe, I am very proud that you are able to forgive Adam. You do understand that he didn't know she was married to you."

"I believe that, and I don't hold that against him. I might have done the same thing in the same situation. Heck, I probably would have, but what bothered me most was that he didn't admit it right away. He knew and she knew, but I didn't know. It may take me a quite a while to get over that, but I will."

At that point, Hoss and Adam were slowly making their way down the stairs. Hop Sing brought out platters of food, and Hoss perked up. "Thank you, Hop Sing, for waiting for me. I am powerful hungry."

For the days that Adam had been in jail, he hadn't eaten much. He should have been very hungry, but the sight and smell of food made his stomach roil. He turned and headed to the front door instead of sitting at the table. Ben frowned, but Joe was more upset.

"I'm the one who should have trouble sitting with him. I'm going out there to talk with him. We need to get this settled." Joe headed for the front door. Hoss wanted to go too, but his father stopped him.

"They need to work out their differences. Let's give them some time."

Outside, Joe didn't see Adam but then heard retching from behind the stacked fireplace wood. He found Adam there leaning on the wood with his head down.

"What's wrong?"

"I thought I was all right, but the smell of the food turned my stomach. I had to get outside before I made a mess. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset anyone, but if I had taken the time to explain, I wouldn't have made it out here."

"Can you walk to the porch? I'll tell Hop Sing, and he'll bring something for you."

"That's all right. I'm fine. I just need to stand here in the fresh air for a bit."

"Oh yeah, I remember your 'I'm fine' line. It meant you weren't fine. Now lean on me, and I'll get you to a chair before you fall over and make a really big mess." Stepping close to Adam, Joe guided Adam's arm around his shoulders and then walked him slowly to a chair helping him to sit. "That concussion must be a little worse than we thought."

"Another reason might be because I didn't eat much while I sat in jail, and then yesterday, I didn't have anything to eat."

"Why didn't you eat anything yesterday?"

"First they told me that the prison wagon was due, and it had me so on edge I couldn't eat breakfast. I would have lost it if I tried. Then Pa got me released and we headed home so there was no lunch, and by dinnertime, I was resting in bed. I was hungry this morning until I smelled the food. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true."

"I kinda like you being completely honest with me. Do you suppose you could find a way to make that a habit?"

Adam moved to nod but that hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut. "I'll do that, Joe. I'll do the best that I can do."

"All right, then, stay right there and I'll tell Hop Sing why you don't want to sit at the table. I'm sure he has some purely awful tasting tea for you to drink, and maybe some dry crackers to chew on."

"You do sound like you're enjoying this." Adam had the hint of a smile as he said it though, and Joe grinned as he headed inside. Once more Adam was amazed at the resiliency of his youngest brother. Nothing could keep him down for long. A short time later, Ben walked out with a cup of tea and a biscuit. He handed the cup and small plate to Adam and then sat in the chair closest to him.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, Pa, I explained to Joe that I haven't been eating this week, and the smell of food simply made my stomach decide to empty itself. I guess banging my head did more harm than I thought too. Pa, I think Joe and I are going to be all right too. It will take time, and there may be some difficult moments, but it will all work out. He's a lot more of a man than I gave him credit." As he talked, Adam watched his father's reaction. "I guess I'm less of a man than you thought too."

"Adam, it's that I thought you respected women more than the way you've been acting. You seemed to have no regard for consequences, and even if she had not been Joe's wife, there still could have been consequences."

"If any woman I was with was ever with child, I would have married her."

"So that's your answer. You would have married her. Is that how you intend to live your life and find a woman to share it. You'll take your chances?"

Adam dropped his head and rubbed his neck. It wasn't only the pain in his head and the nausea that he felt. He was being forced to face his shortcomings as a man, and that wasn't something that had happened much for him over the years. He had usually been correct and done what had to be done even when others doubted him or wondered why he would go against the grain so much. He had made it part of his credo to do the right thing, and now he faced that he had not. He had treated women as commodities in a way even though he was always kind, considerate, and gentle. He had used them to satisfy his needs, and then when he didn't fall madly in love, he had moved on. He knew he had a lot of guilt to carry for that too.

Ben stood and walked to the house. He had done what he could for Adam at this point. Adam was going to have to work out the rest for himself. Ben needed to support Joe and make sure that Hoss didn't push himself too fast or too far so that wound would heal properly. It was then that Ben realized that Adam was going to have to take on a lot of work because both Joe and Hoss had other concerns at that point. He wondered when Adam's head injury would let him ride enough to do what had to be done, and he knew too that he would likely take on too much work too soon and suffer for it. The other consequence was a good one though. Adam would be away from the house every day when he did that. Joe and Sheena would have time to work out their problems and how they would proceed, and both could forget at least during the day how much Adam had come between them however much he had not intended to do that. Hoss would be there too, and his middle son was a gifted peacemaker. Ben wondered if that was the case in other families. The oldest took the lead and was the brains of the outfit, the youngest was the darling of the family giving it heart, and the middle son had to be the buffer, the soul.

Over the next few weeks, Adam did a lot of soul searching. He only spent a day recuperating before he began working with Candy on the ranch. There was a lot to do. In addition to a nagging headache for over a week, Adam was saddlesore with aching muscles by the end of each day. He hadn't been doing much riding for a very long time, and to suddenly spend ten or twelve hours in the saddle or doing other hard physical labor challenged his ability to keep up with the demands of ranch work. He did what he could to help Joe especially in the evenings when he often entertained Eleanor giving Joe and Sheena some time to themselves.

However when it was time for Eleanor to go to bed, Joe would get her with a curt thank you to Adam. He always referred to Eleanor as my daughter and Sheena as my wife with an emphasis on the 'my'. No matter how much Joe intended to forgive Adam, it was difficult for him to do that. Each time he leaned down to kiss his wife, he remembered that Adam's lips had been there. When he helped Sheena into a clean gown and saw her body, he remembered that Adam had kissed and touched her. It was different than when he knew Adam had been with her years earlier. Now it was while he was married to her, and despite knowing the circumstances of how Adam had taken her to his bed, he couldn't banish the images in his mind of his wife and his brother making love. He wondered if he would ever be able to make love to Sheena again. Not only was there her physical injury, but there were the injuries to their relationship and to their feelings about each other.

With the cattle drive that was coming up, Joe was almost relieved that he would have to go. Doctor Martin had forbid Hoss from going saying that his back was not yet ready for ten to twelve hours of hard riding every day and sleeping on a bedroll at night. So the plan was that Ben and Hoss would handle the ranch, and Adam, Candy, and Joe were going to take care of the drive.

Each night Adam went to his bedroom early. Working the long hours that he was, no one was too surprised. What they didn't know was that he seldom could fall asleep, but found it so difficult to sit with his family that he escaped to the solitude of his room. He knew he needed to do something to improve the situation they were in, but could not come up with any good ideas. He wanted so much to see Joe smile again, he wished he could hear his father and Hoss laugh. He missed those sounds more than anything. That night before he was to leave on the drive, he sat at his window inhaling the scents of the ranch. There was the smell of pine as there always was. He knew his father must be on the porch smoking because occasionally there was hint of sweet tobacco smoke. If he concentrated, he could smell leather and hay and all sorts of other smells that together

were home. He listened too as he heard Hoss talking. It sounded like he was visiting with Candy and the two talked softly and occasionally there must have been a joke or something funny said because he could hear Candy's soft laugh. He heard the men talking in the bunkhouse because on such a pleasant night, the windows were all open. He heard the last of the distant clangs from the kitchen and knew that Hop Sing had finished preparing for the next day and had cleaned up as well. One by one the sounds quieted until there was only the soft brush of leaves moving in the gentle breeze and an owl softly hooting in the distance. As he did most nights, he sat there until nearly midnight and then fell into bed letting the exhaustion propel him into sleep.

The next morning, Adam got up at dawn, dressed, and went to do the chores as he did every morning. He heard Joe talking with Sheena in the downstairs bedroom as he grabbed his hat. She was using a wheelchair, but Joe had to help her dress every morning and get her into the chair. He took care of her every need including helping her to do the exercises the doctor had prescribed. It took almost two hours for everything to be done so that she was ready to have breakfast with the family. By the time Adam finished all the chores, he knew his father and Hoss would be downstairs at the table with coffee waiting for him and for Joe and Sheena to get to the table. Eleanor liked to sleep late and that worked to everyone's advantage because Sheena's cares could be addressed before Eleanor awoke. Adam was afraid he might not get to see her before he left, but Joe wasn't going to leave for the drive without saying goodbye to his daughter. Hop Sing, Ben, and Hoss were going to have to help Sheena in Joe's absence, and Bess had volunteered to come over to help every day. Sheena's wounds was healed though, and Joe had gotten a number of wrap dresses for her and wrap gowns so she could mostly dress herself although that took quite a bit of planning and time to accomplish. He wanted to hire a woman to help her while he was gone, but she had said she could handle it with the family and Bess. If she couldn't, she promised to let Ben hire someone.

When Adam came in the house then, the whole family was at the table. Everyone was polite and nice, and not at all like Cartwright brothers usually acted toward each other. That began to change that morning, and a little two-year old started it. As Adam walked to the table, she greeted him with her usual enthusiasm as well as her mispronunciation of his name.

"Unca Dam, Unca Dam!"

"Eleanor, it's Adam, Adam."

"Dam Dam?"

"No, sweetie, it's Adam, Adam."

"Dum Dum?"

Joe chuckled a little but Ben had his head down and was shaking as he tried not to laugh out loud. Hoss had dropped his head onto his arms and was shaking as he laughed. Sheena was chuckling too. Eleanor ignored them as she concentrated on trying to say what her father wanted her to say. She wanted so much to please him. She loved the smiles she got when she made her Papa happy.

"No, Adam, Adam."

"Dam Dum?"

Hoss lost it then as he began laughing so hard tears rolled down his face. Ben too was laughing, and Joe couldn't hold it in any more. His giggle went on and on as he nearly dropped his daughter but handed her to Adam instead who rolled his eyes and took Eleanor on his lap. She wasn't sure why everyone was laughing. Adam looked down at her and smiled. "Your Papa loves you very much, and you gave him a great gift this morning. You gave everyone a gift, little one. I'll be your Unca Dam Dum forever if you wish. Now who's your Grumpa?" Eleanor pointed at Ben. "And who's your Unca Haws?" She pointed at Hoss. "And who's your Unca Dam Dum?" She grinned and pointed at Adam. "Wonderful. Give yourself a hand." Eleanor clapped and everyone clapped with her. She sat up straight in Adam's lap and accepted all the applause like a miniature diva. Eleanor sat on Adam's lap for the rest of the meal as the conversation was about adding a room to the house when the drive was over.

"Joe, you're right. If we move the gun cabinet over, we can put a nice large bedroom through there. It will have the backside of the chimney as most of one wall. That should help keep it warm on that side where we should probably position the bed, and we can put a Franklin stove on the other side of the room to keep the rest of the room warm. I can draw up the plans when we get back, and we could have it framed in before it gets too cold. It could be done well before Christmas if we can order the window glass and the stove soon."

Ben asked how much window glass they needed, and Adam said he thought they would put in one large window. They thought a small stove with brass fittings would look nice, so Ben agreed to order that and the glass, and they would be there when they got back from the drive or shortly after that. By the time Adam and Joe rode out to the drive, a lot of healing had taken place. The family had laughed together and was preparing to work on a project together. It was taking some time, but things were getting back to normal.

On the trail drive, Joe had hoped that he would have time to talk with Adam. However for the first week, there was so much work to do that there wasn't time to relax and talk. Once they got into the mountain valleys, there was even more work to make sure cattle didn't stray off into side valleys or canyons or hide out in the thick brush. They worked from dawn to dusk without fail. Finally as they reached the other side of the mountains and the land spread out in front of them, the cattle could be allowed to graze for long periods. They wanted them to fatten up again and get plenty of water to drink so they drove them only about eight hours a day. The brothers had time to talk finally. At first, they talked about practical matters such as the room they planned to add to the house. Then they talked about Eleanor who delighted her father as well as her uncle. That last conversation was repeated several times giving the two brothers a chance to laugh together.

"Don't you dare repeat that conversation where the men can hear though. I will not be called Dum Dum or Dam Dum."

"Oh, yeah, what would you do if I did tell them?"

"There is always the story of how when you were four and using the necessary and you left your drawers up. Hoss came running saying you were straining it. You did smell rather bad when we found you, and Hoss called you Cow Pie for at least a week until Pa heard him and made him stop. So if I'm Dum Dum or Dam Dum, you could be Cow Pie."

Joe conceded on that point then. "Adam, when are we going to talk about the weight we're both carrying on our shoulders?"

Adam dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck. When he raised his head, he stared at the campfire. "I should have told you. You would have been upset, but you would have understood. I was trying to protect myself at first. Then when I realized how much you loved her, it was difficult to know what to do. If I told you to clear my conscience, it could have ruined your marriage. When I got back and met Eleanor, it was worse. If I harmed your marriage by telling you, then that little sweetheart could have lost her mother. I know how awful that can be and so do you. I had decided to tell you on the day that Hoss got shot. I couldn't dump that on you when we didn't even know if Hoss would live or die. I told Sheena that she should tell you then. I thought if she told you, there would be a chance that you could forgive her for at least being honest with you. More and more, I realized that she loved you. She did what she did to me on a whim. It was a stupid, vindictive act fueled by her anger at me that stewed for seven years, but that's what it was. She wasn't thinking of the consequences except to me."

"She figured that you would suffer silently." Adam nodded. "I wish you had told me. It would have made things go a lot better. I'm glad you're being honest with me since then. It's going to be hard to trust you, but as long as you're always honest with me, it will come."

"Can you trust her again?"

"I don't think so. In my heart, I'll probably carry some doubt about her forever. But like I told Pa, I promised for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I did mean those words. I just didn't think it would be this much worse or that her health concerns would be this serious."

The brothers sat silently for a time lost in their own thoughts until Adam had a question. "Anything else you want to say to me or ask? We have time tonight."

Joe leaned back against his saddle and looked up at the stars. "I did wonder why you came back alone. In seven years, I thought you would have found someone."

Adam leaned back then too and looked up at the stars. "I've wandered through the hearts of women all my life, and then walked away from each one when I got tired of the battles and the strife. I've taken many women to my bed and treated them well, but I've never had one who wanted to stay except for those I didn't want to marry. I thought it would happen somewhere, but I'm forty-two years old and haven't found her yet."

"O course you haven't. You're such a dumb ass. You're supposed to be the smart one, and here you sit whining about no woman to love you. Maybe we should call you Dam Dum. You've had plenty of chances. Surely one of those women will say yes if you ask her. Decide which one and go ask her, woo her, court her, and do whatever you have to do. It'll be a lot better than sitting here whining. I'm tired and tomorrow is gonna be another long day. Goodnight." Joe pulled a blanket over himself then, but when he rolled over in his bedroll with his back to Adam, he began to smile. It had felt good to lecture his older brother. He could get used to this new role.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

There were a number of conversations between the brothers after that night, but they had said what they needed to say about the issues between them. They laid their bedrolls side by side each night and even when they were too tired to talk much, they let the other know that he was loved as a brother and as a friend. Both knew it would take time to rebuild their relationship, but it was a healthier relationship in some ways as Adam saw his brother as an equal, and Joe saw the depth of emotion in his brother. Because of Adam's reliance on logic to make decisions, Joe had thought erroneously for years that his brother lacked emotion. He found instead that Adam tried to control his emotions, but that they were as strong as his own. He decided there were a few of his actions from the past that needed an apology.

"Do you remember when Sam Bryant had Pa, and you wanted to hang Farmer anyway because you thought Bryant would let Pa go when he knew that he faced hanging if he did what he said he was going to do?"

"Of course I remember that, Joe. It was the stuff of nightmares and sleepless nights for a long time after that."

"Some of that was my fault, though, wasn't it?"

"Your fault? You didn't do anything wrong, and I was the one who had Farmer hanged. If Pa had been killed, it would have been all on me. I still find it hard to believe that I did that."

"But I should have backed you up, and I never should have said it was my Pa. That was a dirty shot at you when you were suffering enough as it was. I acted like I was the one who cared, and you didn't. That was wrong, and I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I knew how upset you were, and how upset Hoss was. I could see that you thought I was gambling with our father's life. I was, but so were you, and I thought I had the stronger hand."

"What? I wanted to let Farmer Perkins go so Bryant would let Pa go."

"Do you think that Bryant would have let Pa go? Would he have left any of us alive after we defied him? He wanted control of the town, and even if he didn't kill us, Farmer and his friends likely would have. Remember why Perkins was in jail? He killed a man for defying Bryant and what Bryant wanted."

"Why didn't you say all of that then?"

"I was going to do what I thought was right, and so were you. There was no point in arguing any more among us."

"Maybe that's one more argument we should have had."

"Joe, you were a lot younger then and rather hot headed at times. Do you think you would have accepted anything like that I had to say then? We can talk more now because we're both more mature in how we look at things."

Appreciating that Adam had included himself in that statement, Joe nodded. "So what's in the past is past?"

"I'd like to think so."

"Sounds like a good way to go. It's hard to forget some things though."

"Yes. Some people are so worried about getting forgiveness when they do something wrong, but the bigger problem is forgetting. Remembering being wronged harms trust and love more than the original act because it keeps going on and on."

Adam had no idea how much that statement affected his younger brother who spent much of the night thinking about that and how it had affected his life and his relationships. Adam slept well. He had been shaken a few weeks earlier when Joe had told him to go ask a woman to marry him from among the many he had romanced. Even though Joe's advice had been blunt and simplistic, the more he had thought about that lecture, the more his thoughts returned to just one woman. The choice had surprised him at first, but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed the right idea. He missed her. He had relied on her, he had worked closely with her, and shared a lot with her. His desire to return home had made him depressed. It had blinded him to what he needed to do. He planned to take a chance and see if he could get her to say yes to marriage. He spent time thinking about what he should do and what he should say. Once he had made that decision, he found that he slept better at night. So as he slept because of the thought process being concluded, Joe was just beginning to think through his situation.

With his future plans set, Adam had more confidence and seemed more like the Adam of old in making decisions and insisting that the men be efficient and thorough in how they did their work. Once they reached the stockyards, Candy and Joe rode in with Adam to negotiate the price for the herd. The first offer was the usual low one they expected, but after a number of counteroffers, the price was still lower than they had expected. The man smirked, and that was all it took. Adam took over then. Ignoring the stockyard manager, he addressed Joe.

"Joe, we'll just keep going. The stockyards in San Francisco will pay a lot more, and that city is more fun for the end of a trail drive too."

Realizing what Adam was doing, Joe played along. "It'll cost us more to get there though."

"Not much and with a higher price, we'll be able to pay our expenses and still have a much larger profit. Candy, why don't you go the mercantile and line up the supplies we'll need."

"Now, wait a minute. You made me an offer." The manager was getting nervous. These cowboys seemed to be better businessmen than most that he had ever met.

"We're rescinding the offer as too low. We kept going down but you never met our price."

"Well, I'll accept it now. That's a good price. I'll pay it to get your cattle."

"No, our offer is now two dollars a head higher. We'll make at least that much and probably more if we keep going to San Francisco."

Caught in a squeeze, the manager gave in and paid the price. As Joe and Candy walked away with Adam, they were amazed. Candy was the first to comment. "You were willing to deal with him at first, but then at the end, you really put his balls to the fire. Why?"

"When he was agreeable, I was trying to be agreeable, but then he made me mad."

"Hoss told me never to rile you. I can see why."

Adam shrugged and then grinned. "Then why don't you take charge of getting the cattle into the pens and doing the count? Joe and I will go find a nice bathhouse and meet you at the saloon later."

"I should never have said a word. Fine, I'll do it, but there better be a steak dinner and a nice glass of whisky and none of that rotgut. I want some good Kentucky bourbon."

"Deal. Joe, can we promise the men a bonus?"

"That's fine with me. We can pay a bonus and bring back more money than we expected to. It's worked out real well for us."

As Candy headed back to the herd to bring it into the stockyards, Adam and Joe rode into the city looking for the first nice looking bathhouse they could find. Once they found one, they made arrangements for a bath and took their horses to the livery stable nearby while it was being prepared. Later as they slipped into the warm, sudsy water, both relaxed. Adam began to sing but it was not his usual songs. He sang songs that Joe knew so the two of them could sing together. The other patrons of the bathhouse were mostly amused. By the time they finished their baths and dressed in clean clothing, both were thirsty and hungry. Candy found them later as they were finishing their meals. There were three glasses of whisky on the table. Candy downed one, and grabbed another before either man could reach it. Adam smiled and signaled the bartender. As Adam got another glass and sipped at his whisky, Candy appraised him.

"You seem more relaxed than I've ever seen you. I know it hasn't been long, but has something changed?"

"A lot has changed. I've got a plan now for the next year. I'm taking a trip to Australia this winter after I get the new room on the house done."

Joe had been leaning back but that made him slam his chair back on the floor. "You're leaving?"

"No, I'm taking a trip. I don't think I'll ever leave again, but I do think I'll travel during the winters. I never liked being cooped up on the ranch during those cold snowy winters."

"So you're coming back?"

"Yes, I'm coming back, but I hope I won't be alone when I do."

"You took my advice."

"Yes, I did. I know what I should have done, and now I'm going to do it. I hope it's not too late, but there's only one way to find out. I plan to sell my businesses in Australia too. If the managers want to buy them, I'll work out a schedule for them to pay me a fair price."

"Businesses? If you have all that, why are you working a cattle drive?" Candy was surprised at what he had learned.

"It wasn't my intent when I came back, but my family needed me. In the future, I would be more than willing to let others handle all the cattle business of the ranch. I have other ideas and things I want to do."

"Like what?" Joe perked up at that last statement.

"Pa wants me to take over the contracts and negotiations. I'll handle the banking end too, and I would like to reorganize the Ponderosa as a corporation to get some legal protection for our assets."

"If you bring the lady back with you, is she going to like you traveling all the time like that because what you're talking about means a lot of trips?"

"I did that a lot in Australia. She was my assistant and traveled with me. I didn't appreciate what I had until I didn't have it any more. She still works for me unless she quit while I've been gone. If she doesn't want to marry me when I ask, I'll ask her to come here to be my assistant."

"Then you will have more time to convince her."

"That's the plan, Joe. I hope it works."

"Older brother, I hope it works too. Pa probably won't like the part about you taking the trip, but I bet he'll like that you want to get married."

"Yes, and I hope that Hoss plans to get married soon. I'd hate to miss his wedding."

"You better plan on being there for Hoss' wedding. He'd thump you good if you missed that. Hey, while we're here, let's do some shopping for a wedding gift and for some stuff for the new room."

Candy leaned back in his chair. "I'll let you two boys do that. I'm thinking of a few more pleasant things I'd like to do here."

Two days later, the three headed home with the hands who had traveled with them. When they got home to the Ponderosa, there was quite a bit of good news. Sheena had some slight feeling in her legs so Doctor Martin had prescribed exercises to strengthen her legs. Joe hoped it meant she would walk but the only prognosis was that she would be able to stand and perhaps move about on crutches some of the time. That was the most she could hope to do if all went well, but it was so much more than they thought when she was first shot. Bess had moved into the ranch house as well having sold her place. She was helping Sheena and helping to care for Eleanor. The plan was for Bess and Hoss to marry at the end of November and take a trip up into the mountains to hunt as they honeymooned. With the wedding imminent, and once Adam announced his plans, building a room onto the house seemed more urgent. The three brothers began working in earnest on the addition in order to have it completed before Hoss' wedding. The small downstairs guest room was going to be converted into the office, and Ben's office area was going to be used as part of the great room giving them more room to entertain as well as more room to accommodate a growing family.

When Adam and Joe arrived home and it was clear their relationship had improved, Ben was relieved. Adam had offered to care for Cochise so that Joe could go in immediately and see his wife and child. Ben had greeted his youngest with a hug, and then headed out to the stable to see Adam. He was met there with a hearty hello and he relaxed realizing that the two brothers must have done quite a bit to repair their relationship.

"We did well, Pa. We got a dollar a head more than we had hoped. We paid the hands a bonus and still brought home more money than we thought we would have. Joe and Candy went with me to town, and it's already deposited. I have the slip here. The hands are spending the rest of the day in town and Candy stayed with them to make sure they all get back here later and don't get into any serious trouble."

"That sounds good. And you and Joe got along all right for the drive?"

Adam turned to look at his father. "We got along fine. We talked about what happened and about lots of other things. Joe even gave me some good advice. I'm going to follow it."

"Joe gave you advice?"

"Yes, and, ah, Pa, I have some news you may not like so much. Based on what Joe told me, I need to take a trip to Australia. I'll go after Hoss' wedding and after we finish adding that bedroom for Joe and Sheena on the first floor."

Speechless for a moment, Ben had the same worry Joe had expressed. "You're leaving?"

"Only for a trip, Pa. I'll be back, and I hope I won't be alone."

"Does that mean what I hope it means?"

"Yes, there's a woman in Australia who used to be my assistant. She traveled with me and helped me with keeping all the business papers organized and filed as necessary. She took notes at meetings and observed the men there often giving me insights that helped with negotiations. She was efficient and responsible, and I took her for granted. Now I know what I should have done, so I'm going to go back and see if I can fix that mistake. There are lots of mistakes that can't be fixed, but maybe this is one that can be. I want to sell my businesses there, and I can hire her to help me with that process. Then I want her to come back here as my wife, but if she doesn't accept that, I'm going to ask her to come back here to be my business assistant. She and her husband moved from England to Australia to start a business, but he got sick on the trip and died soon after they arrived. It was only a few months later that I found out about her education and business skills as well as the fact that she needed a job. She worked for me for almost three years traveling all over that country as well as to New Zealand on occasion."

"That all sounds very businesslike. Why would you think she would be romantically interested in you?"

"Well, there were times when we were, ah, a bit more personal in our relationship." Adam saw his father's look and knew what it meant. "Pa, we've been over that issue before. I won't do it again, and I'm going to try to make this right with Zona."

"Zona?"

"Yes, Zona Leah Rose Price. Her family name was Rose, and her husband was Garrett Price."

"How long will you be gone?"

"I plan to leave for the winter and arrive back here sometime in spring or early summer. A lot depends on how complicated selling my businesses will be. I have a shipping company, some mines, a ranch, as well as shares in some banks and railroads. I own a hotel in Sydney."

"You did all that in three years?"

"I had most of the money I earned from teaching in Boston and then doing some architectural work in London as well as teaching there. I invested all of it when I got to Australia, and the economy there is growing rapidly. I reinvested the profits over and over. I have a few other small business interests in other countries, but I'll let those ride for now."

"Maybe you can work some of that magic for the Ponderosa. I want to make sure there's enough to leave to the next generation, and I've been thinking even further down the road. I'm assuming you have some ideas about that."

Adam grinned and finished up with Cochise and began to brush down his horse. Ben grabbed a brush and helped him finish currying the horse. Then the two walked to the house talking over when Adam would take over the contracts and negotiations for the Ponderosa. When they entered, Adam had that momentary feeling of déjà vu guilt as he watched Joe talking with Sheena who was sitting in a wheelchair with Eleanor sitting on Joe's lap as he sat beside her. It passed but not before his father put a hand on his shoulder and whispered that it would all get better. Hoss was sitting next to Joe, but he turned and stood when he heard their father whispering.

"Glad to see ya got back in one piece, and Joe says you got a great price too."

"Yes, Hoss, everything went very well. I don't see Bess. I thought she had moved in."

"Oh, she has, but she's taking some cooking lessons from Hop Sing. No more bread and cold ham for meals when Hop Sing has a day off and we don't have to trust none of our cooking neither. Bess is gonna be the assistant cook here. She and Hop Sing get along great."

Ben chuckled. "It is rather comical to see them work together. She towers over him and then does exactly what he wants when he barks out an order. I swear, I think Hop Sing could have been a master sergeant in the Army the way he can command anyone."

"So when are you planning on getting married?"

"We were thinking Christmas, but now that she got that offer on her place and sold it, we're thinking as soon as we can get it organized. Everybody knows we're getting married so it shouldn't surprise nobody."

"That's good. I want to leave as soon as your wedding is done."

"Leave? You're not leaving again, are you?"

"Just for a trip. I have some things to do in Australia that are very important. I plan to be back in spring."

"You coming back alone?"

Adam looked at Hoss with a small smile. "You can read my mind as well as I can read yours. Yes, I hope so. Now no more talk of that until I get back. I know you want to take a trip up to the mountains after your wedding. Do you want me to go up there and make sure the line cabin is in good shape?"

"I was thinking I ought to do that especially seeing as how we could have snow by then, and it could be cold. I wouldn't mind some help."

"We'll pack in a bunch of extra supplies to make sure you have plenty. If we bring a couple of packhorses, we can bring some grain for the horses too."

"Adam, we ain't planning to stay there until spring thaw."

"Hoss, it can't hurt to be prepared. You know how those storms can blow down out of the mountain ridges with hardly any warning. I think we would all feel better knowing you had adequate supplies. If you don't use them, then the line cabin is already stocked for next year."

"Well, that is a good point. It could save us a trip in spring as long as we're going up there anyway."

Over the next week, work was started on the addition to the house. The glass had arrived as had the small Franklin stove. Adam had his brothers installing the floor joists as he worked at crafting a window frame. Once they had a floor, they pulled up the studs for the walls and secured them. Then they put a roof on it. Hoss said it looked funny with a floor and a roof but no solid walls. Over the next few days, they put in the outer walls and then the ceiling. Once it was all in place, Adam had Hoss and Joe help him put the window in and shim it to make it level. Adam nailed the trim around the window to hold it in place and then stepped back. Joe and Hoss were already admiring the view.

"Adam, we may never want to get out of bed with this view in the morning. It just kind of makes you stare at it."

"I plan to make some shutters for it. You can always close them. It might be a good idea to do that anyway when you sleep. On the first floor and in the back of the house, you don't have the security that you would have on the second floor or in the front of the house. I could make some lantern hooks so that when you were concerned, you could hang a candle lantern or a regular lantern outside your window."

"I like that idea. I know we keep one on the front porch fairly often. It would be a good idea to have one back here too. I've been meaning to ask you too. Are you putting an outside door on our bedroom because that looks like it over there in the corner."

"Not a regular door. It will be an emergency door. Hoss and I will build a ramp outside that door. It won't have a doorknob, and it will be barred on the inside."

"But if there's an emergency, I can unbar the door and push the wheelchair out. That's a good idea."

"Sheena could do it herself too. The door will open out once the bar is removed. She could do that."

"Thank you for thinking of that. I wasn't thinking that a bedroom needed an outside door, but now I see why you framed that in like that over there."

The next day, they cut a doorway through into the main house after moving the gun cabinet. After they framed it in, for the first time, the rest of the family got to enter the new room. They liked it. It was spacious, and the view was spectacular. The following day, the three brothers plastered the inside walls. By the end of the day, they looked like they had been plastered themselves. Hop Sing had bath water ready, and the brothers drew cards to see who would go first. Hoss won which made Bess happy. Hoss had expected to have a nice soak in the tub, but Hop Sing banished Joe and Adam to the washroom as well because he didn't want them in the house with plaster all over their clothing and in their hair. With an audience like that, Hoss took one of the fastest baths he ever had. Joe had the next turn. By the time Adam got the tub, the water was disgusting. He drained the tub and asked Hop Sing for more water. Hop Sing came into the washroom and was going to complain until he saw the murky water being drained out. Then he agreed that Adam could have a fresh bath.

By the time Adam finished, the family was at the table having dinner. He pulled out a chair and sat. Hoss passed him a platter of meat, and Bess handed the potatoes to him. Eleanor watched and then couldn't be quiet any more. "Unca Dam hungry?"

"Yes, Eleanor, I'm very hungry. And thank you to whomever got her to go back to calling me Unca Dam."

"It was Sheena. It wasn't for your benefit. She didn't want Eleanor saying Dam Dum when we had guests or in church."

"Well, thank you, anyway. I was hoping I wouldn't get tagged with that for a nickname."

After that, dinner conversation turned to the two biggest topics in the house now that the drive was done. They had a lot of planning to do for the addition in order to finish it before the wedding. Adam assured them that it would be done. "It only needs paint now, and to varnish the wood. We can do that in a day once the plaster is dry. We'll fire up the stove in there now and it will help the plaster dry thoroughly so we can paint and varnish. Then a couple of days for everything to dry, and it's done."

With the addition completed that week, they were nearly ready for Hoss' wedding. While Ben and Joe worked with Hop Sing and Bess to decorate the house, and Sheena finished sewing the wedding dress, Hoss and Adam headed to the line cabin that Hoss wanted to use for his honeymoon. The packhorses were loaded with supplies and with some nice bedding and other special things for the honeymoon. Ben had Adam select a few bottles of wine and the two had packed those into a sack when Hoss wasn't around. Hoss and Bess planned to bring fresh food with them when they went, but the cabin was being stocked with an abundant supply of staples from sacks of beans and cans of peaches to coffee and even some potatoes and onions that would make a nice meal when they had fresh game for their meals. The cabin was scrubbed, cobwebs were removed, and the fireplace was cleaned out. They stacked a lot of wood inside and more by the back door of the cabin. The lean-to for the horses needed some work. Adam and Hoss cut a dozen saplings and redid the sides of it.

"You can cut some pine branches when you get here and lay them up against the sides and over the top to give the horses more shelter if they need it. The corral is in good shape so you won't have to tie them in. And do you remember why the back door of the cabin is oversized?"

"Yup, I helped you do it, remember. That's in case we have any problems with wolves. We can get two horses inside to keep them safe."

"That wouldn't be my ideal honeymoon plan, but better to have horses to ride when you need them."

"Aw, Bess won't mind. She likes critters as much as I do."

"You certainly got the right woman."

"Now tell me about the gal you're gonna ask." So Adam told Hoss all that he had told their father. "She sounds just right for you, and you never figured it out while you were there?"

"It may sound weird, but I thought you actually fell in love. I didn't know it could come creeping up on you when you were completely unaware. I knew I was going to miss her when I left, but I was so focused on going home, I didn't pay enough attention to my feelings, or for that matter, to hers. I'm afraid that walking away from her like that may have ruined my chances, but I'm going to tell her everything, and then I'll find out if she's the type of person who is willing to forgive."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Two weeks later Hoss was married and headed off to the line cabin early the next morning. Adam was packing his bags and making sure he had all the necessary papers for his trip after he wished his brother well. Ben stopped by the door of Adam's room and watched him pack. He knew he would miss him terribly if only for the few months he planned to be gone, but he knew too how the unexpected could make plans change. He wanted as much time with him as possible before he left on his trip.

"Is there anything I can do for you before you go?"

"No, Pa, but a few prayers while I'm gone couldn't hurt."

"Adam, I pray for you and for your brothers every day."

"There is one thing you could do for me while I'm gone. Could you help Eleanor to say my name? I would very much like to come home and not be called Dam or Dum or Dam Dum."

Chuckling, Ben nodded. "I'll see what I can do. She'll be older by the time you come back so maybe she will be speaking a bit more clearly. It's what children do. You must remember how Little Joe talked when he was a toddler. He got scared when we said it was so foggy outside, we couldn't see. He thought it was froggy because he said frog for both."

"Pa I remember better how he said luck."

Ben frowned with that one. "Yes, and I remember how you wished him good luck every time you left to work. You were very fortunate that he never said that at church. Marie would have been mortified."

"And you?"

"I would have gotten my satisfaction by having a little talk with you."

"Yes, I remember your talks. I'm glad I outgrew those."

"Sometimes I wish I could settle an issue like that again. It was a simpler time."

"It never really worked with me, Pa. I only learned how to be better at making sure you didn't find out what I was doing." Seeing his father's deep frown, Adam grabbed his bag to head down the stairs.

"We'll have a little talk about that someday." Ben had a mock frown for that one.

"Yes, but this time it will actually involve talking." Adam grinned as he grabbed his hat and coat, and strapped on his pistol. Australia could still be a rough and tumble place so he was going to be wearing it. He had thought to take the clothes he had worn while he lived there, but he had found that all of them were too large. He had lost quite a bit of weight working on the ranch and the drive, and of course worrying about the troubles with Joe and Sheena. He was wearing the clothes that had hung in his closet for years, and they fit him well. "If all goes well, I'll be back by March or April."

"Adam, I have to apologize to you before you leave. I was so upset about Joe being hurt, and Sheena being shot, and Hoss laying in that bed where he could have died, and I took it out on you. I acted like you were at fault. You weren't. I have to admit I got on my high pulpit and acted as if I had never done anything questionable. You know that I have. You were very understanding when I did, and I failed you when you needed me most. I'm sorry about that, very sorry."

"Pa, it's all right. I understood the anger from both you and Joe. I knew you loved me just like I know Joe did. We do have a problem with tempers in this family sometimes, but I always know that afterwards, we'll still be family. Now, I need to get going."

"Godspeed, my son."

"Thank you. I'll leave the horse in town." After goodbyes to Joe, Eleanor, and Hop Sing, Adam walked swiftly out the door and closed it softly behind him. Sheena was resting in bed not feeling well, and Adam had to admit to himself that he didn't mind her being absent. He didn't think he could ever be comfortable when she was there. He didn't know how Joe had managed to forgive her, and he could only hope that by the time he got back, he would be more relaxed about the whole situation too.

"Don't worry, Pa. He'll be back. He always does what he says he's going to do."

"I know he will try, Joe, but he's crossing an ocean again, twice, and there's a lot of uncertainty about what he has set out to do. I can only hope and pray it all works out as he wants."

Joe and Ben would likely have been surprised that Adam was having similar thoughts as he rode to town to catch the stage. He had set his heart on a goal, but achieving it was entirely in someone else's hands. He hoped Zona would be agreeable to his proposal, but one way or another, he had to convince her to come back with him even if it was to work for him. He knew he might need some time to win her heart and her hand. He had to hope too that in the months he had been gone that she had not been pursued by another man. As he boarded the stage and headed out of town, he had a bit of doubt that he was doing the right thing. Then he did something that he had been doing more and more lately. He told the doubting side of him to shut up because he had a plan, and he wanted to be happy so he had to do this. He was regaining the confidence and the swagger he had as a younger man. He didn't know how or why he had lost it, but he knew it had been significantly eroded. Then that doubting side piped in again wondering if Zona would like him the way he was now, and he had to push it down again. He didn't enjoy the trip to Australia as much as he thought he would. He brought books to read, but he found it difficult to concentrate. However when the headlands of Sydney Harbor came into view, he was at the ship's rail watching and stayed there except for a short break to get his bag. He waited anxiously on deck until the ramp was dropped on the quay. He thanked the captain for a pleasant and fast trip, and then he was on his way to check in at his hotel before going to Zona's home. He felt as nervous as a schoolboy on his first quest to ask a girl to a dance.

Fortunate to have arrived on a Saturday, Adam wound his way through the bustling crowds on George Street as he made the short walk to Grosvenor Street where Zona had a home. He had helped her purchase it because it was close to his hotel, his warehouses near the quays, and his shipping offices. She had hoped for a home a little further out with a nice yard, but he had wanted her close because it was more convenient for his businesses. He realized as he thought about it that he had been very selfish in his relationship with her. He had a gift in his pocket but realized how inadequate it was. He still intended to give it to her, but he knew he would likely have to do more than show up and gift a small trinket. It was a warm day and even the short walk had Adam feeling his shirt growing damp with sweat. By the time he reached her home, he had taken off his jacket and slung it over his shoulder. He opened the small white gate in front and noted that Zona had added a flower garden since he had been here last. He stepped onto the porch and knocked softly at the screen door because he could see Zona sleeping in a rocking chair in her front room. She stirred and looked at him through the screen door.

Thinking she must be dreaming, Zona simply stared at Adam as he stood there. He still had the mustache but it was trimmed into a neat comb compared to how she remembered it when it had been bushier and longer as favored by most men in Australia who had one. He looked more trim and fit too with his broad shoulders and slim waist and hips. His clothing was well made but not in a style common in Australia, and his shirt and pants were black which certainly were odd choices for a hot summer day in Sydney. She had dreamed of him showing up on her doorstep so many times, but then he had left for America, and all she had left were the dreams. Then her dream spoke shocking her.

"I came back to see you. I hope it's not too much of an inconvenience to drop in unannounced."

"You're Adam."

Smiling, Adam let her get her wits about her as full awareness returned. "Yes, I am. I came back to see you."

The bitterness of how their relationship had been and then ended filled Zona's next statement. "I would think if it was a woman you wanted to see, there would have been plenty of willing ones in America. You certainly never lacked for them here."

Adam dropped his head. This was definitely going to more difficult than he had hoped. "Zona, I am truly sorry. I know that I treated you very badly, and my only excuse was that in my selfishness, I didn't know then. I have come to realize it and regret it greatly. Please, may I come in and talk with you."

"I suppose talking is fine, but I have an engagement later so I hope you won't have to stay long." She hoped that wasn't the case, but she was unwilling to show any vulnerability to this man. He had hurt her over and over by his indifference to her feelings, and she didn't want to offer any additional opportunities for him to do that.

Adam stepped inside and set his hat and jacket on the credenza by the door. "You still do work for me, and I have a business proposition for you. I want you to help me sell my businesses here."

"Is that all?" Zona had been hoping for more so her answer was rather neutral in tone.

"No, I have a very important question to ask you. I know I was a fool not to ask this a long time ago, and I have no excuse for being so selfish and dense. I want you to marry me, but I do understand if you don't want to give me an answer on that right now."

Shocked, Zona stood silently looking at him. If he had asked her before he left Australia, she would have willingly said yes and gone anywhere with him. She had to wonder why he was asking now when they hadn't seen each other for so long. There was only one response she could manage. "Why?"

"Because I realized I loved you. You were the only one I missed, and I thought of you very often. Rather dense of me not to realize it sooner, but I took you for granted. When I felt lonely and unloved, you were always there. When I needed help with my businesses, you were there. You wanted a nice house away from the bustle of the city, but you agreed to live here because I wanted it that way. Please, will you marry me and come with me to my family's home in Nevada?"

"Adam, I can't make a decision like that so fast. It hurt to have you leave like you did, and I have a life here. This is my home."

Knowing how significant it was that she admitted being hurt by his departure, Adam still did his best to persuade her to admit she loved him and agree to marry him. "I know it's very difficult, but you left your home in England to travel with your husband here. I'm hoping that you're willing to take that kind of chance again."

"But Garrett died and left me here all alone."

"In Nevada, you would not be alone. You would be part of my family, and no matter what happened, they would be there for you. Granted, I'm not planning to have anything happen to me, and I hope to return there soon. I promised them I would. If you can't come with me as my wife, would you come with me as my business assistant and my friend?"

"I don't know."

"How about the first part of the question then? Will you work with me? We could take some time to be together so you could decide if you wanted to stay with me. I know you're busy tonight, but perhaps tomorrow we could have lunch, or a picnic, or whatever you wanted to do."

"Yes, of course, I'll be your assistant again. Will it involve travel?"

"Yes, for the mines and the ranch. The rest can be concluded here in Sydney. I might even get the mine managers to come here for a meeting, but that probably won't work for the ranch."

"When we travel, it would be strictly business?"

"That's up to you. It's your decision to make. If you want to travel as my fiancé or my wife, I would be very pleased. If you need more time, and you want to take it more slowly, that's your choice too."

"For now, I think I would be more comfortable as your business assistant only. I'll be ready to go to work on Monday."

A little disappointed, Adam did hope to make one adjustment to that plan. "Could we meet for lunch at the hotel tomorrow to go over the papers and what I plan to do. That way we could start meeting with the various managers right away Monday morning."

"I could do that."

"And I have a present for you. I brought it from Nevada, and I hope you like it." Adam pulled a small brown velvet box from his jacket pocket then and handed it to Zona. She opened it to find a pendant on a three-strand gold twisted-chain necklace. The pendant was in the shape of the Ponderosa brand and enameled in green and set with diamonds.

"Adam, this is too much."

"No, it is not nearly enough. No matter what happens, I want you to have that. It's the shape of the Ponderosa brand, the sign of home, and the diamonds are my love for you. That will never change."

Unable to say what she was thinking, Zona could only thank him. She wanted to kiss him then, but based on her previous statements, she knew that would be inappropriate. He had gotten her mind whirling with thoughts though. As he picked up his hat and jacket, she thought again about admitting how she felt, but the logical, rational side of her told her to wait and see, so she did. As she watched him walk down her walk, through the gate, and into the street, she smiled. She was beginning to believe that he did love her. Everything he had said and done communicated that quite clearly, but she would wait and let the relationship develop before she was absolutely sure. She definitely liked this new approach of his. He was strong and determined as always, but he had listened to her and understood her concerns without her having to spell them out in any detail. His empathy meant as much as his declaration of love did.

That night, Adam stood on the balcony of his room at the hotel sipping a brandy. He looked out over the harbor and to the stars in the sky. It was still warm, and he would sleep with the doors and windows open. He thought there was little danger of a fruit bat invading his room so near to the harbor. By midnight, the city had quieted so one could imagine being out on the range of the Ponderosa with only the sounds of the night and light from the moon. He knew the next morning would be quiet as well, but by Monday morning, the city would be bustling with people set on getting tasks done. He had informed the staff that he wanted a table in an alcove in the dining room for his business meeting with Zona. In the past, he would have had lunch delivered to his room. It made it more convenient if he decided to take her to his bed when they concluded the work they needed to do. He had turned that around though out of respect for her, and would only go to her bed now if they married. It was his new standard of behavior. The next day at lunch, she commented on that.

"I thought we would be meeting in your room. I was a bit nervous about that, so I am very pleased that you met me here."

"I did say I thought we should spend some time together to get to know one another better. Now that our business is done, shall I walk you home or would you consider a carriage ride with me around the city? I could get a look at my properties, and then perhaps take a ride out to the countryside for a time."

"A carriage ride sounds fine. In fact, I would like that very much."

After the carriage ride, Adam looked at Zona and had another request. "If it's not too much of an imposition, would you have dinner with me? I thought perhaps that little restaurant that only serves prawns and fish."

"Yes, that would be very nice."

Smiling, Adam gave directions to the carriage driver. When they got to the restaurant, he invited the carriage driver to come in and have dinner too. The man was going to refuse except Adam said he would pay for it. The man gladly accepted then and sat at a table with some people he recognized once he got inside. Adam and Zona shared a small table by the window. They laughed and talked about all manner of things but nothing personal until Zona asked a question she had thought of the day before and that had continued to make her wonder as the day had progressed.

"You seem different somehow, and it's not just that you are thinner than when you left and you trimmed your mustache. No, you seem more relaxed and more warm, and yet you somehow seem stronger too. What happened?"

"That's too long a story to tell here, and I would rather not explain the details in a public place, but when I first got to Australia, I was lonely. I missed my family, and I made up for it by doing a lot and keeping my mind off being alone. When I got back home, something happened, and I handled it all very poorly. I got a lot of advice, which my family is never shy about offering by the way, and I ended up taking a long hard look at myself for a few weeks or even months. I needed to rebuild my integrity so that I deserved trust. I made some decisions, and one was to come back here and try to right the wrong I did. I should have told you I loved you, and I should have said I was a fool for not admitting it sooner. I do love you, and I hope that I can convince you of that. Then I hope you'll agree to marry me."

As Adam finished talking, he realized how quiet it had become in the restaurant. No one said anything. They were too polite, but there were a number of smiles directed toward them. Adam was a bit embarrassed not realizing how his fervent explanation had been heard by so many. It had come pouring out of him, and Zona knew it was the truth. The waiter came to their table then and set a bottle of white wine there with two glasses.

"Compliments of the owner, Mr. Cartwright."

Adam frowned a little and then smiled. "Very well. Please thank him, and wine for everyone, compliments of me."

That did bring a cheer, and there were a lot more smiles all around.

"You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

"Yes, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I like this side of you, Mr. Cartwright. I like it very much." That made Adam smile. Later when he stopped the carriage outside her home, he walked her to her door. He made sure she got safely inside and got a lamp lit. He didn't try to kiss her. He didn't want anything to do any damage to the mood he had created by being a gentleman for the whole day, but Zona surprised him by stepping close and kissing him lightly as he opened her door to leave. "Thank you. You were true to your word today, and I appreciate that very much. You keep this up, Adam, and I will be very much be leaning toward saying yes to your proposal." Smiling, Adam said goodnight and walked to the carriage to pay the driver. He intended to walk back to the hotel on this night that was balmy and now seemed like a very special night. He wanted to savor the evening before he walked back into his room. As he walked away, Zona watched him until he was quite a distance away. He turned to wave then before fading into the darkness. Zona grinned at that. He was still quite cheeky.

The next week was filled with business meetings and negotiations with the men who managed his shipping business and the hotel. That weekend, Adam made a trip to the Blue Mountains to inspect his mining properties pursuant to working out deals for the managers to purchase those properties. The following week was another series of meetings to negotiate the sale of those properties to the managers. Adam was to be a silent partner in all of them until the full sale price could be paid. The manager of the hotel needed the longest time because he did not have much cash to open the deal. Adam offered him five percent of the purchase price for each year he worked with the other five percent to be paid in cash to Adam each year for twenty years. At that time, the man would own the hotel. The shipping business had a similar arrangements but the time frame was five years instead of twenty. The mine managers worked out a deal that had them paying the full price in three years. At the end of two weeks, a great deal had been accomplished, and Adam had a significant amount of money in the bank. The last deal was going to be the most difficult to accomplish. Adam owned a ranch in the interior. At one point, he had thought to retire there, but instead he had realized his heart was in Nevada. Taking a trip to the ranch was difficult. They rode in a carriage to Port Macquarie but then had to take horses to ride over the mountains to the ranch that was deeper in the interior with no road to use to get there. Adam told Zona that she didn't have to make the trip, but she wanted to do that.

"I've haven't been on a trip over the mountains since the last time we visited your ranch. No worries. It'll be a ripper now won't it."

Grinning at her enthusiasm, Adam had to admit it would be a lot more fun taking the trip with Zona. They got all the gear they would need as well as a few extras that the people working on the ranch would like, and packed it all in the carriage. It took as long to make that trip as it did to do all the other work. On the ranch, Adam deeded over the ranch to the men who worked there. He didn't need any more money, and these men had worked loyally for him and without complaint. Making them landowners even of a small station far from everything was more than these men had ever expected. Adam handed out the gifts for the families of the men telling them it was a late Christmas celebration.

When Adam and Zona returned to Sydney, it was a month since Adam had arrived. He sold his investments shares in the banks and railroads, and then had no more business to conduct. He prayed that Zona would give him the answer he so much wanted. All they had done on a personal level was to kiss goodnight and hold hands when they walked. Adam did his best to keep the desire within him from overwhelming his resolve and managed but just barely. Zona wondered at his restraint but remembered that is what he had promised her. On that Sunday, they had lunch at the same table where a month earlier, they had first discussed the business they had just concluded. Finally at the end of lunch, it was time for Zona to give Adam an answer.

"A month ago, you gave me several options. I chose the easiest of those to do. I worked as your business associate for the past month. You also said you would marry me or I could continue as your assistant and travel with you to Nevada to help you there. I'm ready to say yes to that second option. I will go with you. I'll work with you. I'll be your friend."

"Is there a chance that you would still consider the first option and marry me?"

"Yes, but I want a chance to get used to the idea first. I want to spend more time with you. Now I need to sell my property here, and say goodbye to friends."

Slightly disappointed but relieved that at least she had agreed to accompany him to Nevada, Adam asked how long she needed. She thought that two weeks would be enough time. Adam made arrangements and two weeks later, her friends gave her a farewell party. Adam insisted on buying her a new dress for the party, and got her to wear an ivory and green dress so that she could wear the necklace and pendant he had given her. He found some emerald and diamond earrings and matching hair combs in a jewelry shop and gifted those to her just before they left for the party. The hair combs looked elegant in her dark hair, and the necklace was beautiful on her light skin. At the party, her best friend in Sydney asked her to have a chat in the kitchen as the rest of the guests talked with Adam about Nevada.

"Zona, why aren't the two of you getting married? Why hasn't he asked you to marry him?"

"He did ask me. He asked me the first day he was back."

"Then why haven't you said yes? You confided in me on more than one occasion that you wished he would say he loved you and ask you to marry him. Is that it? He didn't tell you he loved you?"

"No, Rowena, he told me he loved me."

"Then why haven't you said yes? He loves you. His eyes light up whenever he looks at you. I know you love him."

"I don't know any more. I know at first I wanted to be sure he really was in love with me and wanted to marry me because of that. Now, I don't know why I haven't said yes. In less than ten hours, I'm going to be on a ship with him and sailing to his home."

"Oh, my dear, you're just afraid because of what happened with Garrett. We can't know what will happen. No one does. But you have a chance to grab at some happiness with a man who loves you. You need to grab it and enjoy every last second you can squeeze out of it whether it's for a month, a year, or the next fifty years. Only God knows how much time the two of you will have together. You've been lucky to find two men who love you dearly. Now tell that man you'll marry him. Don't let fear rule your heart."

Taking a deep breath, Zona thought about all that her friend had said. Then she smiled. "Rowena, ship's captains can perform weddings, can't they?" Rowena squealed in delight and hugged her friend.

"Now you must write and tell me all about it, and then tell me all about this ranch his family has. The way he describes it, it sounds like heaven on earth. I want you to tell me what it is really like. If it's as beautiful as he says, maybe more of us ought to move there."

"I will write you as soon as I can."

"When will you tell him?"

"When the moment is right." Rowena looked at her with a bit of a grin. "As soon as we're out of the harbor, but I need to pick the right moment."

At that moment, Adam opened the door and leaned into the room. "We should get going reasonably soon. I would rather you had some sleep before you board the ship. I remember that you didn't handle the ride on the ship when we went to New Zealand last year. I've told the captain, and he said the cook will have some teas ready for you as needed, but a good night's sleep would be best."

After final goodbyes to her friends, Adam and Zona went to their rooms at the hotel. For the first time since his return, Adam got a passionate kiss from Zona. She had unlocked her room and turned to say goodnight. He was so close that she ran her hands up his chest and around his neck pulling him into a kiss. He didn't need any persuasion either. He had been waiting for a month and a half for the chance to kiss her that way. Finally, he broke the kiss.

"If you kiss me like that, I'm going to have a very difficult time keeping my pledge to you."

"Maybe you won't have to keep it for much longer. Now goodnight, and I'll see you in the morning."

"One more kiss?"

Zona couldn't resist that look as well as the request. They kissed again until Zona had to pull away. She touched his cheek and then stepped into her room closing the door slowly. When she locked it, she was sure he was still on the other side. She touched the door as she had touched his cheek, and knew she had made the right decision. Both slept well that night dreaming of the other.

The next day as their ship passed the headlands of Sydney Harbor, Zona was standing at the rail with Adam watching her home disappear behind her. As they reached the open sea, the winds picked up and the ship began to gather speed as the sails billowed like giant white clouds only a few feet over their heads. Zona grasped the rail as the ship rode the waves. Adam wrapped an arm around her to help steady her.

"You're cold." He released her and took off his jacket wrapping it around her. He held her again. "There, is that better."

She nodded. "Adam, I have a question." Adam looked down at her and she held his gaze. "A ship's captain can perform a marriage, can't he?" Then she smiled.

For a moment, Adam thought she might be teasing, but realized she wouldn't tease him about something like that. "Yes, he can. When would you like to ask him to do that?"

"Now would be fine with me or as soon as he has time. I think my first night on board the ship that is taking me to my new home would be a good wedding night."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Resting in their quarters late that night, Zona had her head on Adam's shoulder. With his arm around her shoulders, Adam held her closely to him.

"I love you very much. Thank you for agreeing to marry me. Now when did you make that decision because I do not for one moment think you decided as we stood at that rail no matter how nice a moment that was?"

"I guess I was leaning toward telling you yes for probably about two weeks now, but it wasn't until Rowena and I talked last night that I realized that a good time to tell you would be as we set sail to home. How long will it take us to get there?"

"Then I am very much liking this Rowena even though I don't know her very well. She is a clever woman if she got you to take that last big step. Now to answer your question, this is one of the fastest clipper ships. It's built on the pattern of the Northern Light. So if all goes well, we'll be in San Francisco in five weeks. Then we'll travel to Nevada. If all goes well, we could be home in six weeks. Now I have to roll on my side or my back will be killing me tomorrow." Adam pulled Zona into the spoon position wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a warm embrace. She had never slept with him despite being in his bed a number of times in the past, but she did like sleeping this way because it was not only comfortable but made her feel safe and loved as well. It had been a long time since she had felt that way, and she loved him all the more for letting her have that again. That was how they slept each night as they traveled until they got home. Every day, they had hours in which they talked, kissed often, made love, and learned about each other with no pressure from business concerns or family getting in the way. They could talk openly and honestly with each other. Adam told her all about what had happened when he had gotten home.

"But that wasn't your fault. Why did you feel so guilty?"

"I may have been tricked, but I knew my action would hurt my brother if he knew. I had just returned, and I couldn't bear to tell him the first day we were together in nearly seven years. Then I came up with all sorts of reasons not to tell him. I hoped somehow that it could be forgotten. I've learned a lesson I should have remembered from long ago. Nothing like that stays buried so you have to face it and deal with it. That's why I had to go back to Australia to see you. I had made a mess of that, and for both of us, I hoped to be able to fix things."

"You are a great fixer of things, but right now, I have other needs." Grinning as he had been doing more and more, Adam took care of those needs and his own. By the time they reached San Francisco and headed toward Virginia City, they were very comfortable with each other.

In Nevada, about seven weeks after Adam and Zona had left Australia, the whole Cartwright clan was waiting at the stage depot. "Pa, Adam's telegram said today. The stage line says the stage is running on time so they'll be here soon."

"Hoss, I know, but this is such a big day. All of my sons married and all three will be living on the Ponderosa. It's a dream coming true."

A few minutes later, the noise of the stage rolling in could be heard. All of the Cartwrights got ready to welcome Adam and his bride with everyone equally curious about the woman Adam had traveled so far to woo. Spring had arrived in Virginia City, and the streets were muddy so everyone waited on the wooden walk in front of the stage depot. The stage driver slowed the stagecoach and pulled it in as close as he could to the depot. He started untying the bags stored on top as the station manager pulled a set of steps and set them by the stage door that he then pulled open. Two men got out first and then Adam stepped from the stage with a big grin. He reached behind him to help Zona from the stage and carried her from the step to the wooden walk. He hugged his father and then his brothers before introducing his wife. Zona would have known them by the descriptions although nothing quite prepared her for Ben and Hoss. Ben was a man of power and influence that one could see simply by looking at him. His booming voice gentled when he saw how it startled her. Hoss' imposing height and sky blue eyes were memorable, and a beautiful tall blond stood at his side. Both were grinning in welcome and hugged her when Adam made the formal introductions. Joe stood by a wheelchair in which Sheena sat and Eleanor held onto her arm. Zona saw the sparkle in Joe's eyes even with the difficulties he had in his life. She knew that the mischief and the unbridled spirit in the young man was still there as Adam had predicted it would be as soon as Joe adjusted to his new situation. Adam knelt down before introducing Eleanor. She rushed into his arms as soon as he opened them.

"Unca A-dum." Eleanor worked very hard to enunciate the name as her mother had pushed her to do.

"And Eleanor, this is my wife, Zona. She'll be your Aunt Zona now just like Hoss' wife is your Aunt Bess."

"Aunt Sona?"

"Close enough for now. I'm very happy that you can say my name now."

"Mama helped me. Papa said I should. But when I say A-dum, nobody laughs. When I say Dam-Dum, everybody laughs. I like it when they laugh."

Everyone was chuckling making Adam shake his head. "How about if I teach you some other funny words?"

"Like what?"

"How about platypus?"

"What?"

"Or how about hornswoggle and kangaroo? Or hoosegow. You could learn to say scallywag."

"Scallywagon?" That did get a chuckle so Eleanor decided she liked this game. When the luggage was loaded onto the buckboard, Hoss and Bess climbed aboard. Joe helped Sheena into the carriage and helped Eleanor up to sit beside her. Ben told Adam and Zona that he would give them a ride in the new surrey.

"With the family growing so, we bought a new surrey and a new larger carriage, but the carriage hasn't been delivered yet. I thought to take you on the scenic route back to the ranch. No one ever forgets their first view of the Ponderosa, so as my gift to your lovely wife, I want to show off the sights."

Soon the Cartwright procession left town. Many had admired the pretty women and handsome men, and none could miss how close the family was. Ben's dream of building a ranch that he could leave to the next generations was much closer to being reality. He couldn't help smiling for about the next two hours. By the time he drove the carriage into the yard at the Ponderosa, there were wonderful smells coming from the kitchen as Hop Sing prepared what to him was a proper welcome home dinner for the number one son who had brought a wife home. Dinner was as light-hearted as anyone could remember. So much had changed in a year, but the family was together and the relationships were healing well.

After dinner, Zona sat with Bess and Sheena, talking about the ranch, the women's group in town, the sewing circle they had formed, and all sorts of other things as Zona became better acquainted with her sisters-in-law and the ranch. She was a very direct person so she had to speak her mind about what had happened when Adam had first returned home.

"I want both of you to know that Adam has told me all about his family, and about the important things that happened to make him the man that he is. Even though I wasn't here for any of it, he is a very good story teller, so I think I have a very good understanding of what happened."

Sheena was a bit worried. "I hope that won't stop us from being friends. I know I could tell Adam that I was sorry every single day for the rest of my life, and it wouldn't be enough. I hope he can forgive me. Joe and I are still working on that too. He's been very sweet not to be too angry with me." With an sad little smile, she continued. "At least Joe knows I can never do anything like that again. He'll always have a little problem with trusting me completely, I guess, but that's so much better than I deserve. Adam told me that this whole thing was something I needed to face and grow up finally. I guess I have, but that doesn't change what I did."

"He does forgive you, but the man has a memory like a book. Everything is in there and can't be erased." That made the other two smile.

"When I saw you and we talked just a little, I understood completely why he and I ended our relationship. You're not at all like me. You're very perceptive, and you're a thinker. I tend to do things impulsively. That's part of why Joe can forgive me. He understands acting on a whim and regretting it all later. He needs people to forgive him fairly often."

Bess chuckled at that. "Ain't that the truth! He's roped Hoss into so many silly schemes, it's a wonder Hoss still listens to him at all."

Then the ladies started telling stories about their husbands and found that there was a lot about which to talk once that topic opened up. Bess knew more stories than the other two, but Zona and Sheena had some good little stories to add to the conversation.

As the ladies had started talking, Ben and his sons had walked outside on the porch to talk. It was a pleasant, warm spring evening. Adam asked how things had gone on the ranch and asked Hoss about his honeymoon.

"Adam, the ranch has been doing fine especially once Hoss got back." With a quizzical look after Joe's statement, Adam looked to Hoss.

"Dadburnit, Adam, getting all those extra supplies up there musta made nature think we wasn't respecting her enough. It snowed so much, we ended up having to stay there an extra week. Not that I minded that at all, but I figured Pa was going to be worrying. The clouds had looked kinda threatening when we got there, so our first afternoon up there was gathering grass for the horses and piling all sorts of pine boughs across that lean-to and around the corral fence. Darn good thing we did that too. We woulda had to dig for grass otherwise. If that corral wasn't backed up against that ridge, it woulda filled with snow. As it was, we had to clean some snow outta there but not too much. The winds blew most of it out over the valley in front of the cabin. We didn't get much hunting done neither. We ate beans and bacon for a bunch of meals. By the time it cleared enough for hunting, we just wanted to get outta there and get home."

"I'm sorry you didn't have an enjoyable honeymoon."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Didn't I just tell you that Bess and I were in that cabin, alone, for two weeks, and couldn't even go hunting?"

"Hoss!" But even Ben had to grin at his son's smile. "How about your trip? You brought home a wife so we know that part went well. How about your business concerns?"

"All done. Most are on a schedule for payment. It will take a few more years to have everything done, but, except for the hotel, it will be done in five years, and I'll have all the payments."

"Why not the hotel, son?"

"The manager is someone I took on as an employee based on his ambition and work ethic, but he didn't have any financial resources. It may take twenty years for him to pay off the business or at least that's what's in the contract. He may find that the profits will go up over time as he pays me a smaller share each year so he'll pay it off sooner than that. I doesn't matter that much. I have a lot of money banked now."

"What you gonna do with all that money?"

"Hoss, I was thinking I would put some of it into the Ponderosa. There must be some projects you have in mind. I know we always had projects on a list and did the most important ones first. With some extra resources, maybe we could do more of them."

Joe liked that idea. "I know I'd like to buy more horses for breeding stock. The mustangs are free, but sometimes their temperament isn't suitable."

"That's the kind of thing I mean. Doing projects like that which will increase the profitability of the ranch over time."

"Hey, Adam, with women like Laura and Ruth and Sue Ellen, I thought you liked blondes, but she's got hair as dark as yours although her skin is like ivory."

"Joe, it was never hair color that caught my eye. It was the look in the eyes, how they moved, and how they looked at the world. I need someone to be as interesting out of bed as she is in it."

"Yeah, Adam, I guess we all like interesting women. I never could get to liking a woman who just wanted to sit around the house and let everyone else do for her like some of those gals in town thought they oughta be doing ifn they married up with one of us. I like a place where everybody is doing something."

"Yes, Sheena said she'd make some new curtains and a bedspread for your room as soon as you pick out some colors. I suppose the ladies might be inside discussing that kind of stuff right now."

Ben sat in a chair smoking his pipe and enjoying listening to his sons discuss business and then their wives. He knew at some point, things were likely to get even more personal, but this was a good way to start the brothers back on a course to being together. Bess called from the door then that Eleanor wanted her grandfather to read a bedtime story for her. Ben couldn't refuse that request. When Ben had gone into the house, Adam looked at Joe.

"How are things with you? You've been pretty quiet about that."

"It's a struggle. I knew it would be. When you're betrayed like that, it takes time to rebuild the trust." Seeing Adam's surprise, Joe continued. "I learned something from being on the cattle drive with you. I realized you hadn't done anything as awful as I was thinking. You didn't know we were married or even that she was married. It was my anger driving me to act the way I was. Once I figured that out, I took a good look at my future. I didn't want to feel as if my marriage was a burden. The only other thing to do was to work with Sheena and rebuild the trust. I understand why she did what she did, and I know she still feels terrible about it. We're working on being as loving as we were before San Francisco and before she got shot."

"Tell him the rest, Joe, tell him what the Doc said."

Adam waited expectantly hoping that it might be that Sheena might walk again. Joe saw that look. "No, if you're thinking she'll walk again, that won't happen. She has some feeling and she can stand if she has something to lean on, but she won't walk again. No, the good news Hoss wants me to tell is that Doctor Martin consulted with a specialist who looked over everything that Paul could tell him about her. He thinks she could have another baby. He wants us to wait a bit to make sure she's stronger and to keep doing all the exercises. Bess has been a wonder and so has Hop Sing. Between the two of them, they've got her using crutches every morning. She gets tired and can't do it later in the day, but in the morning, she gets herself dressed and gets to the table by herself.

"Yeah, Doc called it a partial paralysis. So she can do some stuff. Some things are still gonna be real hard for her. I know every time somebody mentions the dance that's coming up, she kinda gets tears in her eyes. She'll never dance again."

Adam was quiet for a time before asking a question. "When's the dance?" After his brothers told him, he told them his plan.

"I know Bess will do it. The two of us could be a team."

"I'm too much taller than Zona to do it. Joe?"

Choked up, Joe could only nod at first. "Adam, that's a great idea. It's really good to have you back. You have great ideas."

"Good. I'll talk with Pa and Zona, and Hoss you can talk with Bess."

The next Saturday, the whole family was heading to the spring dance. Hop Sing's cousin was hired to care for Eleanor so that Sheena could attend as well. She hadn't wanted to go.

"Joe, I can't dance, and everyone stares at me as it is when I'm sitting in this chair."

"I want you there. I want you to be able to talk with our friends, and enjoy some refreshments. At least one of us will be by your side every moment."

Sheena had been convinced especially when Bess and Zona also begged her to be there with them. Zona especially said she would like another woman there that she knew because she was still a stranger to most of those who would be attending. The larger carriage had arrived so the family was able to go in the two carriages. Adam and Zona rode in one with Ben, and the other two couples rode in the larger carriage with Sheena's wheelchair in the boot. At the dance, they entered as an entourage. As the music started, Adam and Zona moved out on the dance floor as did Hoss and Bess. Ben and Joe sat with Sheena. After a few dances, Joe danced with Zona and Ben danced with Bess as Adam and Hoss sat with Sheena.

"I feel terrible keeping you away from the dance floor. I don't have to have people sit with me. I'll be fine if you want to dance with someone."

That dance ended, and before the next one started, Bess came up to Sheena as Hoss stood up by her side. "May we have this dance, Sheena?"

"I, uh, I can't dance."

"Shur ya can. Now you stand up. All right, now put one arm around my shoulders and the other around Bess. Bess and me will wrap an arm around each other's waist. There now we can dance." The three of them moved out to the dance floor and began whirling around the floor with the other dancers. Sheena could move her legs some because Hoss and Bess supported her on each side carrying her more than anything. Some dancers stepped aside and applauded as Sheena went by with Hoss and Bess. At the end of the dance, she was flushed and grinning. Hoss helped her ease back down into her chair before guiding his wife to the dance floor for the next dance.

"That was wonderful. That made it worth coming."

"My dear, we aren't done yet." Sheena wondered what Ben meant until the next dance when Zona asked if she wanted to dance. With Joe on one side and Zona on the other, Sheena got to dance another dance. She was smiling so much it made her face hurt but she didn't care. After that dance, she asked for some punch and cookies. Most of the family sat for a bit enjoying the dance and watching Adam and Zona dance. There were a lot of envious looks because even though Adam had been gone for seven years and was forty-two and now nearly forty-three years old, some ladies in town had thought he still would have made a good husband. Of course, many of those ladies were more interested in the Ponderosa and the Cartwright wealth. Now they were a bit disdainful of Adam marrying a foreigner. However Roy and Paul were there to chat with the members of the family, and many people came over to talk with them. As the dance neared the end, Zona sat down and said she could use a break. Ben stood beside Adam then, and the two tall men looked down at Sheena. She grinned and nodded. With a little help, she stood and was able to dance a third time. Hoss and Bess danced near them, and Hoss told her she was one of the two most beautiful women on the dance floor.

By the time the dance was over, Sheena was exhausted, and she fell asleep on the way home with Joe's arm around her and her head on his shoulder. Ben had never been so proud of his sons as he was at that moment. They had weathered a lot of trouble and come out a strong and loving family. No one could ever hope for more. As they arrived home and each son moved to escort his wife into the house, Ben looked to the heavens and said a fervent thank you.

"Hey, Pa, what ya praying for now?"

"Never you mind, Hoss. I have to do a lot of praying to make sure things work well around here. Now I hope someone plans to help me with these horses."

"Yes, Pa, we'll be out to help you as soon as we send the ladies to bed." Adam grinned at his brothers. A short time later, the horses were in their stalls and the tack had been put away. Everyone went to their bedrooms except Ben who poured himself a small brandy and sat in his chair by the fireplace. He had admired some of the ladies at the dance that night, and began to think it wouldn't be such a bad idea to bring another lady into the house. His sons would have been overjoyed to know he was thinking that way.

About three months later, on a Saturday morning, everyone got up a bit later than usual, and got down to the dining table about the same time. Hop Sing came out with a platter of ham and bacon, and another loaded with eggs. There already were fresh hot biscuits on the table, and the four men were breaking them open and spreading butter liberally on them. All three ladies asked Hop Sing if they could have tea. Zona took a biscuit and nibbled on the edge of it, but Bess headed out the door looking very pale. The three brothers looked up as she left, and noticed that Zona and Sheena weren't eating except for nibbling on a plain biscuit. They were wondering what was wrong. Ben looked around the table.

"My boys, there's going to be a lot more changes on the Ponderosa."

"Like what, Pa?"

"Joe, don't you remember?"

Suddenly Joe did remember, and then his brothers understood too. There were going to be a lot more changes on the Ponderosa in about six months or so.


End file.
